I like Trivial Pursuit way better

My children made us play Monopoly. I hate this game. I never win and it takes way too long. It makes me surly.

I picked the Thimble and the game commenced. I could tell right off that things weren’t going to end well. I got seriously crappy properties – and managed only one monopoly – of Baltic and Mediterranean Avenue. Even with two houses, the one only earns $35 in rent. I was like a slum lord. Bandit wanted to know if Walter White or Jesse Pinkman lived in my houses. He’s never even seen those shows, but I guess word gets around.

Nevertheless, you can learn a lot about your family while playing this stupid game.

The Bandit Went Directly to Jail about 17 times. No joke. I don’t know what the story was with his recidivism, but I hope it’s not an omen of things to come.

Basically I held on to random single properties keeping others from fulfilling their destinies.

Sassy creates an earthquake every single time she throws the dice.

I firmly believe that if a person doesn’t notice you sitting on their property then you don’t have to pay rent. I think this is even written in the rules somewhere. I don’t care what you say, that’s how I roll. It can save you $600 on Oriental Avenue with a hotel. That alone can get you around another lap  to collect your Go money.

We didn’t finish the game the first night. We zip-locked our money and deeds into baggies and took a photo of the board. This is like my worst nightmare.

We didn’t finish the second night either, but we finally decided we’d had enough. The Bandit was broke and had given all of is property in lieu of rent. I’d had to set my crack houses on fire and collect the insurance money in order to survive the last round. Sassy and My Honey were in heated negotiations to trade some property and the Bandit and I weren’t the least bit interested.

We cashed out. Sassy came out victorious.

That might have had something to do with the fact that she was the banker. Maybe not. I’m merely speculating.