Feeling Like a Lilliputian

Sassy and I went to Peiwei to pick up dinner this evening.  The restaurant wasn’t too crowded when we got there, and we had a bit of time to wait until our order was ready, so we plunked ourselves down on tall stools and waited.  It was only a minute before the door opened and another woman came in to pick up her take out order as well. 

She was really tall – at least six feet, and she wore wedged sandals that made her even taller.  Her hair was done in a teased ponytail and her face was made up.  Besides the cute shoes on her manicured feet, she wore a cute top and short-shorts so her legs were like seven miles long.  And she was skinny.  We’re talking runway-model skinny.  She was maybe 120 lbs soaking wet.  She was so thin that when she walked away to fill up her drink cup, I could actually see where her thigh muscles were attached to her femurs. 

She was quite pretty and, to redeem myself for thinking such uncharitable thoughts, I smiled at her when she sat at the stool next to me.  I tried to convince myself that perhaps she one of those poor unfortunate women who simply can’t gain weight, whose thyroid malfunctions in such a way to make them near anorexic.  Unfortunately, I can’t relate to that in any way so I gave up and just let my pudgy, little self be horrid – dharma be damned.

She had ordered lettuce wraps and I wondered to myself if she would eat any of the protein or just suck on the iceberg lettuce. 

Pretty soon the waiting area began to fill up and soon there were about fifteen of us milling about.  I looked at skinny girl and said, “Wow! We sure got here at the right time.”

“I know,” she told me.  “I work at Merrill Lynch across the street….”

That’s when I stopped listening.  Merrill Lynch.  Really.  I remained skeptical.  Whatever charity I had for her flew out the window.  While I was sitting there feeling fat and unattractive next to this waif/giant oxymoron, I at least had the one up that while she was beautiful and making a ton of money modeling, at least I had brains.  I am a published author, I thought to myself smugly.  If she worked for a stock brokerage then I had no nice thoughts for her at all.  You don’t get to be beautiful, stupidly skinny and smart.  That’s just cruel.  And I don’t give a rat’s ass what mental issues you may have that made you this way.  The Trifecta of Perfection doesn’t lend

That's me - the tiny one on the left

 itself to sympathy.

But then the universe got a little stranger.

At the front of the line stood another Amazon.  This woman was 6’2″, if not more, and she was wearing flip flops so you couldn’t even attribute any of her height to her shoes.  I was dumbfounded.  At least she wasn’t skinny, but rather sort of built like a girl linebacker.  Not fat, but substantial and athletic.  She had an equally tall boyfriend with her. 

The Peiwei was making me feel insignificant.

Our order was finally completed and when Sassy and I walked to the door, another giantess held it open for us.  My mouth just sort of sagged open which I’m sure is less than attractive on my 5’3″ frame.  What the hell?  I have no idea what was going on, but I was beginning to get a complex.

Does Peiwei have growth hormones in their food?

So fine, I took me and my tiny little daughter, who will no doubt inherit my mother’s family’s hips and propensity to spread regardless of her petite nature as a child (I was there, I know how it works), and we’re taking our noodles full of gluten home and we’re going to eat them heartily with all the protein and then several fortune cookies to finish us off.

Stupid tall people.  Not that I have a complex or anything, you understand.