The Stool Pigeon

The boy can’t keep a secret.  I’m sure this is not a surprise that a five year old can’t keep a secret, but watching him struggle with it is fun.

We had been sitting down to dinner and were about half way through when I heard The Bandit ask his daddy, “Can I tell her now?”

“Tell her what?” I asked.  Of course I assume he’s talking about me.  Maybe they bought me a present!  I love presents.  You may already know this about me.  “Tell her what?” I ask again, this time feigning indifference.

“Dude!” My Honey stares at the boy, his mouth hanging open.

“Tell her what?” This time the girl is asking the question.  I’m sure she assumes they’re talking about her.

“Fine.  Tell her then,” My Honey shakes his head at the boy.

“No.”  The Bandit giggles. 

“Tell me,” the girl prods.

“If it’s a secret, you better not tell,” I say sounding much more mature than I actually am.

“Did you get something today?”  Sassy is on a fishing expedition now.

“Just tell her, dude,” Daddy is laughing now too.  He can’t help himself.  No one is immune once The Bandit starts giggling.

“No.” More giggling.

“If you don’t tell her, I will.” 

“NO!” The Bandit squeals and tries to cover his daddy’s mouth.

I know they went to Target after school today.  I saw a bag and some stuff we’re going to need next week on our vacation.  Hmmmmm.  I’ll not lie.  My curiosity is peaked.

“I got candy,” Bandit blurts out.

“No you didn’t.”

“We got a dog!” he says only he burps mid-word and no one knows what he’s talking about.

“What’s a dooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhg?” I ask.  Once that’s cleared up, and we are told that we didn’t indeed inherit a new canine, the boy starts hollering out things.”

“A dolphin.  A toy.  A drum.”

Sassy’s starting to really get into this and dad starts giving hints, albeit very odd hints.  He’s giving a weird pirate look across the table: dramatically closing one eye and opening the other making it sort of bulge out.

“An eyeball?” I ask knowing that can’t possibly be it.

“Yeah!” The boy giggles wildly.  “An eyeball!”  Now he’s cackling away with glee.

All of a sudden the girl gets it.  “You got an Icee?”

“Yeah,” Daddy and her brother both nod.

Really?  The boy stews about a secret for hours, literally bubbling with excitement that he has a secret…  He gets the whole house in an uproar…I’m thinking of presents or, at the very least, something exciting.

An Icee?  Really?  Bah!