An Ode to Howard Allen…

Our purpose on this website is two-fold…to be a resource to every other struggling writer, and to share our literary ups and downs as we work to get published.    In my continuing quest to become a better writer, I sometimes find that some people do know what they are talking about.   One such person is Howard Allen.  He is a local friend to our Romance Writer’s of America chapter, and has spoken to us a couple times on creating dialogue that shows the reader what is happening, instead of narrative that tells the reader what is happening. 

Reader, I must admit that I was hesitant…at first.  The gift that this man has is astounding.  He is able to take random pages of description from any famous author’s novel and turn it into a riveting dialogue that not only keep’s you engaged, but allows you to feel as if you’re standing in the room watching every bodily expression unfold.   This, my friends, is harder than it seems.  SO… in the spirit of putting it all out there, here is my own small attempt.  These are excerpts from my novel, as I tried to make the character’s interior dialogue more impactful and show the reader that her perception was different from that of her family’s:

Original paragraph:  

Avery walked slowly behind her family contemplating the impact of her entrance into society.  With the tragedy now two years old, she hoped for some semblance of normalcy.   She did, however, doubt the existence of any man that would actually marry her.  She had, after all, killed her sister.   And even if her family wouldn’t admit it, she knew that they couldn’t look at her without seeing her twin.

Re-written as dialogue:    

“Do you really think I will make a match this season mama?  I can’t think of anyone that would offer for a girl who killed her sister.”  These words slipped off her tongue as if she had resigned herself to living happily ever after with the guilt, yet she hadn’t.  Why did she say things like this?  Before she could take it back, her mother’s smile faded.

“Sweetheart, how many times do I need to tell you it was an accident?  Really, Avery, you need to move past that.”  As if trying to move past it herself, she stopped Avery and looked into her eyes.  “It was just a horrible, terrible accident,” and with tears gathering and a hard swallow she said, “Please enjoy the life you were spared.  It was not your fault.”  Almost as an affirmation, she leaned forward and hugged Avery tightly.

“I am so sorry Mama, I hadn’t thought of it that way.”  Avery really hadn’t.  It was sometimes so enlightening to talk about her guilt.  She was still surprised that her family didn’t blame her, but felt that maybe her mother was right.  Maybe it is time to move on.

Well, what do you think?  Try it yourself with something that you have written and let me know how it goes!   And please visit Howard Allen’s site, it is in our resource links as Scriptdoctor.com.  Thanks Howard!