Signs of alien invasion

We went out to dinner on Saturday night.  Neither of my children selected either chicken nuggets or macaroni and cheese.  I know!  Those of you with children must assume my children have been kidnapped by space aliens.  That’s the only feasible explanation I can come up with.  When Sassy told me she wanted fish sticks I almost lost all control over my spine and slipped underneath the booth.

Just when I thought I had it together, I turned to my right and asked the boy what he wanted.  I lost brain function when he told me peanut butter and jelly.

“What? Who are you people?” I asked in wonder.  Maybe these new children, these impostors, will also clean up their toys before being asked.  Would it be too much to ask the aliens if they’re going to replace my children that they do it with ones who don’t wage full on battles in the back seat of the car?  I swear the fighting has gotten to the point where their father and I are about ready to install a Thunder Dome in the backyard and let them go at it.  Two kids enter, one kid leaves.  Some days this is a totally feasible option.

So the waitress had no idea she was contributing to the annals of history when she served fish sticks and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to my table.  I made up for it by ordering onion rings.  If onion rings are to be had, they will be had in my mouth sooner rather than later. 

A while later, when I began evaluating how their dinners were being consumed, I discovered a new and bizarre eating habit of The Bandit.  Holding each triangle of sandwich to his mouth, he was able to eat only the top piece of bread spread with grape jelly.  All the peanut butter triangles were summarily deposited back on the plate.  I am at a complete loss.  As far as I’ve always been concerned, the peanut butter is the most important part of the PB&J sandwich.  Jelly is completely superfluous. 

Just so you all know so we can keep track of the signs, Aliens don’t eat peanut butter.  At least not the creamy kind.  That may have been the issue anyway.  Everyone knows chunky peanut better is the best.