I’m still shaking my head with a boggled mind

 “The male sexual brain is like a single toggle switch. The female sexual brain is like the cockpit of an F1 fighter.”

neuroscientist Sai Gaddam

That brilliant, perceptive quote is from one of the eighty gazillion posts out in the Internet universe about the whole Weiner debacle. 

The Sisters were discussing men, a frequent subject of our conversation as we are all married to men and some of us even made little men. We love our men, big and small, but sometimes the species as a whole is very stupid.

I won’t say anything new or brilliant in this post that hasn’t already been said by smarter, wittier writers than I am, but still, since the world can’t seem to let this go neither can I.

I honestly don’t know one single woman, not one, who would welcome such a picture.  I understand that men in general, I don’t know if crave is the right word but it seems to fit, crave such a picture from a woman. The male fantasy pictures could come from their own women or one they’ve never met – it wouldn’t matter. But if I should open my phone to see a text message with a picture of THAT, I would have a heart attack. 

Let this be said as an open letter to men everywhere:

Women don’t want pictures of your junk.  Not blurry ones, not close-ups, not video.  We don’t.  Ever.  Do not send one unless the planets have aligned and there is an unlikely solar and lunar eclipse signifying the end of the world because that is the only plausible excuse for why a woman would purposefully request such a picture.

It’s a common joke – how complicated women are.  It’s a fact.  We know.  There is no great, deep secret here. And sex to women is one of the most complicated parts.  There are many, many considerations for women on whether or not sex will happen.  How fat does she feel that day? Is there water retention? Did she fit into the skinny jeans or the fat jeans that day? Has she spoken with her mother at any point during the day? Does she have on good underwear or was it a wash day and she’s sporting granny panties? Has the man in question done anything particularly “male” that day which should require any level of grudge holding? Are the children SOUNDLY asleep? Is the dog watching? How long is this going to take ’cause there’s stuff to do?

We understand the ying/yang of the male question:  Now?

Somehow children are born all the time so clearly sex is happening somewhere.  My bet is the man in question wasn’t stupid enough to send the mother a picture of his precious weiner. 

Honestly.  Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.