Jello is not a Dessert

I do not like jello.  I have never liked jello.  Jello is not a dessert.  Even if you have very low dessert standards – it is not a dessert.  It’s not even a food. 

Jello was invented in 1845 by Dow Chemical in order to make a profit off of their waste products.  Some scientist came up with this brilliant marketing idea and Eureka!  – Jell-O was born.  Actually, I made that up.  Gelatin is a protein produced from collagen extracted from boiled bones, connective tissues, and the intestines of animals.  Hahahaha!  Admit it, you’d rather the Dow story was the truth!  But no – the boiled bone fact is true!

Right about now, you’re wondering why I bring this up and have ruined your jello eating ways.  In the past week, the Louis’ have been offered jello  – twice.  Stop it. Ed does not like jello either.  (We might be the only two people in the world who will not eat jello, thank the gods we found each other.  I believe it’s one of the pillars of our 23+ years of marriage.)  I don’t want to be offered jello ever again.  Ed shares this sentiment.  We both felt everyone needed this information ASAP because summer is high jello-making season.  The temperature rises, the bugs come out and jello is made.

The following are discontinued jello flavors: Celery, Italian salad, Mixed vegetable, Seasoned tomato, Dead weasel.  Okay, I made the last one up.

Don’t be fooled by the 1964 jello slogan – “There’s always room for Jell-O”  There is never room for jello – anywhere or anytime.  Ever.

Speaking of dead weasels, because we were, a man in Hoquiam, WA, carried a dead weasel into an apartment and assaulted a man.  The victim asked “Why are you carrying a weasel?” The attacker said, “It’s not a weasel; it’s a marten.”  I did not make that up.

Hahahahahhaaaaaaaaaaa!  Have a fabulous weekend.