I think it’s the horn-rimmed glasses that make librarians scary

Let me first state that I think the library system is a very good thing and should be supported by our tax dollars.

That being said, it could be suggested that I might actually be hugely responsible for any  private funding the libraries in my town receive.  It seems in my 41 years and 342 days on this planet (note the subtle plug for my birthday) I haven’t quite mastered the way the library functions.

Obviously I’m not an idiot.  You sign up for a card, you check out a book, then you give it back after an appointed amount of time.  It’s the giving back part that has me flummoxed. I can’t understand why.  In the age of electronic communications I receive emails warning me the due date is approaching, that is has indeed arrived, that it has passed, and finally one that tells me it has really, really passed. Eventually, I’ll get an email like this.

Dear Ms. Bright (or is that an alias?)

You checked out Ralph and the Motorcycle on January 12, 2011.  It is now July 13, 2011.

We are not amused “Ms. Bright”. Either you return Ralph with his motorcycle by tomorrow or we’re sending our “collection department” to your home.

At this time you currently owe $47.16 in late fees. We can do this the hard way or we can do it the easy way. We will be happy to accept your $47.16  in cash no later than 5:00pm tomorrow, or we’ll start by removing the tires from your car.

We know where you live, “Ms. Bright”. We know what you drive.

Sincerely,

Guido Santucci

Library “Collections”

Here’s the really crappy thing.  I’m darn near certain Sassy never read Ralph and the Motorcycle.