Bandit Wrangling

So you all know the Bandit, my four year old son.  You may also have read on these pages allusions to our efforts to put him to bed.  Well actually, putting him to bed isn’t the real problem.  Keeping him in bed is what causes the most effort.  I understand the Child Protective services frowns on duct tape.  Even though he’s a pain in the tookus, you’ve got to laugh at his creativity.  The following is a list of stuff that My Honey and I’ve caught him doing while his sister slumbers peacefully in her bed.  Please keep in mind that some of this stuff is occurring as late as 10:00 or 10:30.  I’ve begged the day care to stop giving him naps, but my understanding is that the teachers are so exhausted by his and his homeys shenanigans that by lunch they are begging for respite.  I’m out of luck.

1. Of course, there is the usual nonsense about being thirsty or having to pee.  But really that’s quite pedestrian for The Bandit.
2. Reading – we’ve removed countless story and comic books from his bed.  I don’t get it.  His little night light is hardly sufficient to see the pictures.
3. Looking at The Lion King slides in his View Master.  See above about the lighting conditions.
4. Building extensive race tracks for his Matchbox cars on the frame of his toddler bed.
5. MANY evenings we’ve gone in to check on him and found him missing all together.  He is later located in either our bed or his sister’s.  He’s not usually sleeping there, he’s screwing around with Sassy’s things.  Thank God she’s asleep and doesn’t know he’s touching her stuff.
6. I’ve removed the following after he’s asleep: cap guns, countless Hot Wheels, books, dinosaurs, CDs that belong to Sassy, stick ponies, model ponies, basically anything that’s portable.
7. One night he snuck in our room and stole all of our pillows.  There were 8 pillows in his bed, counting his one, all piled up on top of each other forming a tower.  Perhaps he has delusions about a retelling of the Princess and the Pea.
8. Another night I went in there and he’d put all of his cowboy gear on over his pajamas.  We’re talking sheep skin vest, chaps, boots, hat and holster with guns.  He feel asleep like that.
9. Coloring in his Spiderman coloring books.  Again, please reference the above commentary on the lighting.
10. Playing with marbles and dominoes.
11. He has a flash light that shines the Bat Signal.   That stupid thing is often coming from his room.
12. My absolute favorite of all time occurred this week.  My Honey heard water running and found him with about 15 of his Matchbox cars lined up on the bathroom sink.  He was conducting a car wash.  There was water everywhere.

Really, if CPS knew the truth I’m sure they would repeal the duct tape policy.