I’m thinking of Target practice

Oh. My. God. I hate other people. I just want to put that out there before I tell you this tale.

I know I’ve mentioned this before, how much I hate the fake solicitousness you get these days at grocery stores and, in this particular instance, Target. The episode this evening had an extra component that I can’t wait to share with you.

I’d had a long, hard day at the salt mines. It was especially bad today because Ava was off (she’s off all week **whine**) and Kelli was unavailable for lunch. This Sister was lonely and pathetic. I needed to go to Target after work because I’m tired of fighting with the keyboard on my lap top. As you may recall it is missing the keys for the O and K. K isn’t bad, but the frequency in which I need to use the O is excruciating. I decided I needed a cheap keyboard I can plug into the USB port. That would solve all my woe’s, I am certain.

Target has one for ten dollars. Perfect. I walked in and made a bee line for the electronics department in the back of the store. I could get there blindfolded. I know the floor plan that well. I could probably get to the aisle with the keyboards blindfolded. That’s embarrassing to admit, but there it is. I was reading email on my phone and thus not paying attention to the people around me. In  fact, I’m pretty sure my aura read “Do Not Bother Me”. Regardless, I was asked by four separate employees if they could help me find anything. I was unable to politely ignore them by number four.

I got to the keyboard aisle and don’t you know they were out of the ten dollar keyboards. I grabbed the twenty dollar keyboard, huffed loudly, and headed for the checkout lanes at the front of the store.

“Can I help you find anything?”

Oh, what the hell. “Yes, actually.” I asked the twelve year old boy working in electronics if he could check the backroom for any of the ten dollar keyboards.

He zapped the label with his magic gun and informed me, “No. We’re all out of the wired keyboards.” Then he looked at the twenty dollar wireless keyboard I was holding and he asked me with a great deal of disdain. “Why would you want that other keyboard anyway?” Then he actually snorted.

I thought of all the ways I could kill him with the wireless keyboard box I held in my clenching fists. One good whack to the chin ….

I told you it had been a very long day, I hate other people, and he asked for it. “Look,” I glanced at his name tag, “Jeremy, don’t you worry your pretty little head about it.”

His eyes were huge and round. He didn’t say another word. How could he? I’m certain he wasn’t used to people sassing back. After all, he worked in the electronics department. Clearly he knows everything. It may be true that I know nothing, but I recognize a boy with a smarth mouth when I see one. I’ve had quite a bit of experience in that area.

I’m telling you, I’m going to get a little hut on a beach somewhere and become a hermit. It doesn’t have to be a fancy hut. It only needs a lot of shade and broadband Internet.

And a complete lack of twelve year old electronics salesmen.