Tidbits of Life

The universe is on a time delay.  I thought it best that you hear it from me now, so that you all aren’t wondering where in the world your requests have gone.  I have been a life-long fan of the School of Thought that says “you can have anything you want if you work hard enough”.  While still clinging to this ideology with bony and worn fingers, I admit that it may need some loose, editorial chutzpah.  I have wanted to be a writer for a long time…but…what the hell am I talking about, you ask?  Rightly so.  In an effort to explain, I will write for you a loosely editorialized version of a conversation that Ava, Amylynn and I had just a couple short weeks ago:

With Molly Ringwold-like angst on her face, she who is known as Isabella said, “I just don’t get it…I was taught that I could be anything I wanted to be.”

Ava rolled her eyes, and in a crushing blow said, “Please!  Does that ever work?”

With wide-eyed,  pouty sincerity, Isabella replied, “It used to work, a while back.  I mean, I tried for a long time, but I always got what I wanted in the end.  It must be Karma related.  I must have tipped the Karmic scales somehow and…”

“It’s not real!  The whole concept is just something people taught us to motivate us to a false, fearsome end!”  Amylynn interjected.  “Life is not fair!” 

Isabella knew that she might be right.  It was a difficult concept to let go.  She knew her sisters were just the dose of reality she needed.  After all, who really got everything they wanted?  Charlotte… in Sex and The City, of course, but who else?  Nobody came to mind. 

The sisters parted after lunch that day, each going their own way, yet with a unified overall purpose.  Isabella thought that just maybe, in a small pocket of the universe, life was fair.  Maybe it just didn’ grant every single wish.  Maybe at some point, the universe says, “WHOA now.  Just how many times are you gonna change you mind anyway?”

I know that when I was 4 I wanted to be a waitress.  As an adult, I guess I fulfilled a good six years of that so-called dream.  Not so dreamy…And much to my chagrin, the universe apparently had it’s own dream fulfillment schedule. 

When I was a bit older, I claimed a desire to grow up to be Charlie Brown.  As an occupation.  But only now do I have a treacherous poodle that acts a little too much like Snoopy for my own sanity.  Somehow, Max the poodle thinks he can belly up to the table for any random feast just like Snoopy.  And I would swear I found him fraternizing with someone just like Peppermint Patty at the dog park.  And he has this toy bird that looks eerily like Woodstock.  So the Universe has granted my fleeting childish wish to be Charlie Brown after all.  But with an impaired poodle that thinks he’s human.  At least Snoopy could dance.  And need I mention, only 30 years late??

I am desperately trying to think of what I wished to be after I let the Charlie Brown thing go.  It would be nice to have a heads-up on what the universe has planned for me next.  Unfortunately, with the 30 year delay, I think it might be a nun.  As in the celibate-bent-over-rosary-beads kind of nun.  (It’s a really long story. Really.)

So I guess I better get this writing thing in as a written request from the universe.  With a little universal nudge, you will all be getting my first publication much sooner that 30 years from now. 

But just in case, look for my other requests to the universe to materialize before then and find me at smutwritingnuns.com anytime now, lawyersthatcanoodle.com in about 7 years, and biologicalbooty.com in about 15 years.  In about 20 years, maybe the lotto request will come through and you will see my money grabbing grin at whatthehelltooksolong.com. 

Until next time…