Well what happens then?

My stupid primary care physician makes me come in every year for a physical. Stupid, conscientious, pro-active, preventative-care doctors. Anyway, I did this in November. At that time, she asked me to go to have a sonogram on my thyroid because she thought it felt a bit enlarged.

Two and a half months later, I found the referral form in my car and thought, “oh, yeah.” So I called over to the imaging place and answered all their million questions so I could get an appointment some morning before work.

After we’d agreed on a time and date and I assured her I’d had sonograms before  – I had two very high risk pregnancies. It seemed like I was in for a sonogram every twenty minutes. I totally knew what those kids looked like before they were born. I have one picture of the Bandit that looks exactly like he’s flipping me off. I should have known then….

Even though I’ve had sonograms and could probably at this point administer one myself, the lady on the phone felt compelled to tell me all about the gel that is used to facilitate the imaging. She told me that they would smear it on my throat/shoulder area. When they wipe off the gel that would probably also remove my makeup. Would that be alright? I told her I rarely wore makeup on my neck and therefore I was fairly certain I could manage it.

The lady didn’t get sarcasm at all. I hope the rest of the staff doesn’t have this problem when I get there.

Next she lowered her voice and spoke to me like we were in a room full of eavesdroppers. “I have to tell you that the exam table has a weight limit of 350 pounds. Is that going to be a problem?”

“NO!” I screeched, completely freaked out.

My God! I know I have weight issues – you can thank the crappy genes on both sides of my family for that, and Ava is absolutely no help with her always forcing me to eat cupcakes and Starbucks.

350 pounds.

What I really wanted to say was, “Well, I’m hovering around 349 so we’ll just cross our fingers…”