Rodent bums and a Public Service Announcement

I love the English language.  I especially love synonyms.  Not all languages allow for the nuances of feeling like English does.  I also find it fascinating the way the language has changed over the hundreds of years.  Slang becomes accepted and thus English continues to evolve.  We all know this happens, or we’d all be speaking the same way Shakespeare did.  According to my daily calendar:

In the 18th century an educated Englishman would have considered this word to be vulgar American slang: scientist.

I’ve been in a fairly heated battle with Ava over a choice of words for the last couple of days.  I’m heated – she’s busy spewing coffee out her nose.  My phrase is uttered by a gentleman of the noble class, although he is an officer in the Royal Navy and he has just returned from war, and he’s in a very impassioned argument.  He states, “I don’t give a rat’s ass….”  Ava doesn’t want me to use it.  She thinks that it’s hysterical, but not historical.  I counter that it’s a timeless sentiment.  I argue that people of the Edwardian/Regency/Victorian era were very creative cursers.  I suggest that I find the etymology of the phrase and if I can prove that it is older than 1812 I get to keep it and she shuts her trap.

Easier said than done.  I have been all over the internet looking.  The internet seemed like just the place to find out such nonsense.  I have not found out the etymology, but I have learned all kinds of stuff one never needed to know about rat’s asses.  That’s for sure.  Apparently, it’s a Chinese delicacy.  Really?  And I wanted to visit there pretty badly, and now I’m just terrified that I’d accidently order that on the menu. 

Ava & I speculated that perhaps it came around with the advent of the Bubonic Plague.  Seems logical.  Rat’s carried the fleas; the fleas gave you the plague, right?  If so, I win.  The Bubonic Plague was most notable during the 14th century.   For those of you keeping score at home, that’s considerably before 1812.

I did happen to find an especially good clearing house sort of site that links to a zillion others:  www.bawdylanguage.com for all you out there desperate for euphemisms of various body parts (Ava I’m talking to you).

Isabella, the most creative curser I’ve ever heard, is fully on my side.  When I say creative cursing, I’m not kidding.  That girl can string together a collection of swear words that have never, in the history of swearing, ever been linked together before, into a invective that will blister your ears.  Sincerely, I am often in awe and frequently in gales of laughter.

My Honey has now gotten into the discussion.  I can see him over on his side of the office, listening to his iPod, and looking up “rat’s ass” on Google.  And suddenly the skies part and angels are singing.  HE FOUND IT.

I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN – victory lap around the office.  The Idiot Dog is baying up a storm. The windows are rattling.

Alright, I’ll freely admit that www.uncyclopedia.com is a comedic site with as much real information as The Onion.  However, tonight I’m considering it gospel.

In case you’re interested, according to Uncyclopedia’s etymology of rat’s ass:

Since ancient times, both Inner Mongolianites and Outer Mongolianites have cultivated the rat for its tender and succulent ass meat. Mongolian legend is rife with obscure references to rat’s ass, such as when Attila the Hun gave one to the Romans after they requested that he stop destroying their empire. In ancient Greek times people would sacrifice rat’s ass to the gods. If someone didn’t sacrifice any rat’s ass than it was said they didn’t care about the god’s. So when someone says “I don’t give a rat’s ass” that’s where it comes from. (sic)

I can now get back to the business of ruining Thomas and Francesca’s lives.  This has been a public service announcement.