Adventures at the zoo that do not involve bail money

We had my father here for the weekend starting Thursday afternoon. It was pretty uneventful which in and of itself is eventful. One thing that amused me, though, was when I picked him up at my brother’s house he was wearing a blue “house shoe” (read slipper) and a brown corduroy one.

“You have on different shoes,” I noted helpfully.

“I don’t give a shit.” That’s my dad.

Since he also had a matching pair of tennis shoes in his hand, I let it go. Pick your battles, that’s what I say.

On Friday, My Honey and I took him to lunch. I ran home from work to collect Pop because he didn’t want to run errands with my husband. When asked if he wanted to tag along to the accountants and the car dealer my dad replied, “F**k no, I don’t know those people.”

Again, that’s classic My Dad.

Yes - he's always like this

To go to lunch, though, I made him wear his matching tennis shoes. I also made him take them off and put them back on the right feet. I do have standards.

Now, some of you who don’t know my father or our relationship might think I’m making fun of him since the stroke, but I’m totally not. My dad has always been this way – cantankerous and difficult but also, funny and self-effacing. In fact, that might also

The brothers

describe everyone in my family.

On Sunday, we finally got to go to the zoo to see the newly arrived elephants. My Honey and I took my niece and my kids and left Pop at home with the TV and his Louis Lamour book. He was quite content.

I was so excited to see the elephants. They’re my favorite animal and I’ve been so looking forward to seeing the new herd complete with a one and a three-year old baby. The new Adventure Tanzania section of our zoo is really cool with interactive exhibits and a huge area for the elephants. The babies were adorable – as I new they would be, and I can’t wait to watch them grow up. I’d like it even better if I could figure out how to get that little boy away from his elephant mommy and into my back yard.

Just missing sister...She's not in my purse. What lion?

It was a great day at the zoo. I don’t know if it was because it’s spring and Alfred Lord Tennyson had it right when he said a young man’s fancy turns to thoughts of love or if it was because the weather was gorgeous, blue sky, mid 70s with a breeze. All the animals were busy doing stuff instead of sleeping in the shade.

All the lions were out, the triplets, mom and even dad. The babies have grown so much since we saw them last, but they’re still romping around and playing. Fortunately, they are behind very thick glass and like inch-thick wire or one of them would have come home with me.

The giraffes were nibbley and the peacocks pranced around acting like a bunch of rock stars trying to impress the ladies. I never really considered stealing a full-grown giraffe – a baby, yes – but a full grown one would be a little dicey. Also, peacocks are mean, just so you know.

Our newly arrived polar bear, Snow – I didn’t name her, OBVIOUSLY. If I was naming a lady polar bear it would never be Snow for God’s sake. Maybe Bianca or Agnes but not Snow. It’s so derivative. Anyway, the boringly named Snow was rolling around in the grass, giving herself a good scratching. I had a white dog once, Hugh, and I adored him completely but having white fur around the house can be a pain in the ass. Besides, full-grown polar bears are vicious. Perhaps it’s because they have such crappy names. I know my name has never made me happy. 

The jaguars were licking meatsicles and growling at each other and chuffing. They are sisters and it seems like every time we see them they’re having an issue with each other. I did think about snatchign a jaguar for a split second. I really dig

Here she's asking me about the continental breakfast at Casa de Bright

how you can see their spots underneath all the black. However, I’ve also seen that commercial with the “rescue panther” and I think it would be prudent to “rescue” a jaguar when it’s still a kitten.

But, it was the tigers who were the most fun. They have the male and female tigers separated because there is a planned mating coming soon and I guess they want to keep the romantic tension high. The female tiger was in the side of the enclosure with the pool and she was a bathing beauty. I love to watch tigers swim. It’s so incongruous that a cat would love flopping around in the pool so

I could have snatched one of these babies but I didn't want duck poop in my Coach purse

much, but she did. The male paced back and forth, watching her swim and grunting in frustration. Those big tigers are absolutely gorgeous however you can feel it in your gut when their eyes meet yours, even through inch thick glass. I got to cuddle one once that was only about six-months old and even then it got my juices flowing.

So – for now – I think the animals at the zoo are safe. Until those baby tigers are born. You know those kittens will love and adore me when I “adopt” them when they’re really young.