The person who should have been crying was Tiger with that abysmal showing

I picked up the sports page – yes, I flip through the sports page, but only during hockey season – and what should I find on the front page of the Picayune? Another crying sports figure, and this was an ugly cry, too.

I ask you, when did all this crying start? I hate to use a cliché but I miss the man’s man. The day’s when men didn’t cry at the drop of a hat. I have never seen my father cry and I’m quite happy with that.

Now, don’t think I’m the kind of mom who tells her little boy not to cry. He’s six. He’s allowed to cry. In fact, he cries all the darn time. No wait, that’s his sister. Her I tell to stop crying.

Maybe I’m a horrible person, a politically incorrect bitch, but I rapidly lose respect for men who sob like little girls – especially on television.

First we had Payton Manning crying away at a press conference. I rolled my eyes. Especially after he signed for a truly obscene amount of money with his new team. Ava discussed this with you a couple of weeks ago.

Then there have been a whole rash of basketball players crying over brackets, wins, losses, and missed shots. Good God, get over yourselves. When I have little failures in my job I don’t sit around and cry about it, and believe me, I don’t get paid anywhere near what those bozo’s get paid even when they do lose.

On Sunday night My Honey and I caught an episode of Undercover Boss. I wish I was kidding when I told you that the boss in question cried through the entire show. I’m not talking about getting choked up. I’m talking full-blown, snotty crying. It was absurd. If the president of the Bank of No Forks showed up in my office with a wig and bad clothes and followed me around all day while I showed him all the ways his company is fucked up and then he started bawling about it, there would be zero respect for the man. ZERO.

If it makes you feel better, the same would prove true if that president were a woman. I don’t like criers.

I once worked for a man who happened to be a VP of the company and a former professional athlete. He even wore a championship ring. And the man cried all the time. ALL THE TIME. My first day he called me into his office, asked me to close the door, and proceeded to cry and blow snot for twenty minutes about how hard his freaking life was. All I could think about was how long it would take me to gnaw off my foot and get out of there.

Then there was today’s paper. Bubba Watson won the Masters. I’m really happy for him. It’s fabulous when a person’s dreams come true, but I’m telling you, I would not want this picture on the front of every sports page in America. Not even his mom is crying here and that’s what mom’s are for. Next time, excuse yourself to the bathroom and get it all out before the camera men come along.

There’s an old joke that comes to mind.

Q. When do you see a hockey player cry?

A. When it’s a girl.