Our social secretary is worthless

We’re not exactly sure how it happened, but someone’s getting fired over it.

We were not notified about Brangelina’s engagement until Amylynn and Ava saw the picture of skinny Angelina wearing that giant ring in a magazine like the rest of the plebeians. I suspect they have that ring engineered on her with ropes and cables because that woman is so damn skinny it’s alarming.

Ava and I are going to contact Johnny Depp right away and let him know that we’re available to be his date for the upcoming nuptials. I have a very real fear that Johnny would be intimidated by our general anti-social behavior and thus would be afraid to extend an invitation. This concerns us greatly as we are absolutely amenable to any overture from Mr. Depp. We worry about him, all alone out there since he broke up with that Vanessa woman.

All of that pales in comparison when you consider that we weren’t even notified about the engagement. Imagine how we must feel, finding out something of this magnitude from the press. Hurt. That’s how we feel. Hurt and, frankly, betrayed.

They need to take note that we are really quite helpful when it comes to chosing a wedding cake.

If we don’t get a Save-the-date card they can be damn sure they’re not getting the lovely Target gift card we were going halves on.