What Do You Mean the Sun Doesn’t Revolve Around Me?

The girl who lives at my house came home with an extra credit science project last week.  And trust me; she needs that extra credit like nobody’s business.  Believe it or not – it was to build a solar system.  How freakin’ unoriginal is that??? Why didn’t the teacher just give the option of a solar system or a volcano??? It could have been something fun – like breaking the sound barrier with fruit or using a homemade rocket to launch a magic eight ball into orbit – but NO.

Me: No matter what, we are not hanging the planets from a wire coat hanger.

Girl: Why not?

Me: Joan Crawford would not approve.

Girl: (Clearly annoyed) Can you just not be you for a second?

Me: (Clearly ignoring that comment) We’ll make it from produce.  The sun can be a pumpkin. 

Sun Pumpkin

Girl: You don’t even know how to buy produce.  Daddy goes to the grocery store.  There’s no cake in the fresh food aisle, I doubt you could even locate it.

So, we go off to the store, not the grocery store mind you, but to a hobby emporium.  We couldn’t find anything that we could use that would be easy to make round and in the right sizes, except for Styrofoam balls.  Now I know that was your first thought when I started this post but I’m here to tell you you can’t use Styrofoam balls.  You want to know why?  Because 10 of them cost $52.89.  And you need special paint that doesn’t melt Styrofoam.  That special paint cost $3.99 a can.  We needed plan B.   

$52.89 PLUS Paint

Girl: We could make the planets out of rubber band balls.

Me: Yea, that won’t take forever.

Girl: You have to admit it would work.  They make rubber bands in all colors now and we could make them in any size we need.

Me: That would be a great idea if you had mentioned it when you were born and I could have made one per year until you were 11 bringing us to today and your need to build a solar system.  I’ve tried to teach you about planning ahead . . .

Girl: You’re insane.

Me: Why don’t we give your teacher the $52.89, I’ll bet that would get you all of the extra credit points.

As it turns out, I was replaced on the project by Ed.  He broke the news to me gently, saying something about artistic differences and such.  I hope the girl who lives at my house knows she’s never getting $52.89 out of her father for Styrofoam.