The birth of a super villian

I really, really wish that I could take credit for the following story. It’s a fabulous tale full of snark and deviousness.

The receptionist at Bank of No Forks is hysterical, a sarcastic genius, a brilliant set down artist. You’ve never heard anyone put someone in their place with such finesse. By the time she’s done with you, you aren’t sure exactly what happened, but you do know that whatever you thought you were going to bully her into as a lowly receptionist simply isn’t going to happen and you thank her for her time. Not that this has ever happened to me, mind you, but I’ve seen it happen to others and I stand in awe.

Knowing that background, you’re going to love this story.

She and her little family were at a get together at another family member’s home last week. At some point during the event, she excused herself to the bathroom. While in there, she was put out to discover there was no toilet paper present. There was, however, a box of Kleenex tissues on the counter so she plucked out several of those and finished her business.

While washing her hands she noticed certain interesting developments – down there.

Hmmm, she thought to herself. There was an odd tingling, cool heat sensation she couldn’t identify – although, I imagine she didn’t find it completely unenjoyable. She glanced over to the box of Kleenex and noticed, with no small amount of amusement, that they were methylated tissues.

Well that would explain the sensation.

Should I have found myself in her position I would have burst forth from the powder room and told everyone at the party a very rousing and self-deprecating story wherein I look like an idiot, such is my ingrained sense of humor.

Not her. No.

Instead, she steepled her fingers and laughed maniacally in the mirror. She walked nonchalantly out to the livingroom and resumed her seat on the sofa where she waited patiently for the next victim.

I do believe she said it was her mother of all people who exited the bathroom next. “So, Mom,” she asked as innocently as can be, “how’s everything?”

 Evil genius. I’m telling you.

So she didn’t set up the practical joke, but she sure enhanced it. Tell us the best joke you pulled off. Or what joke did someone play on you?