We’re having a party!

Yesterday, Amylynn and I were getting some things together for a birthday party that she’s hosting this Saturday.  We needed to go to a hardware store for glass jars. 

Here’s one of the few ways that we differ – I never ask for help in a store because store people are idiots and always tell

Amylynn going shopping

you they don’t have what you’re looking for even when it’s right in front of them.  Amylynn believes that the store folks are there to assist her and to do whatever she bids them to do. 

With her diamond tiara on straight, she will sweep through the door and demand of the first employee she encounters where something is and with a wave of her hand indicate that they should lead her right to it.  I always follow behind her, carrying the train of her gown and her scepter.     

After being led to the Mason jars, she made the mistake of using the word “plethora” on the poor hapless clerk. 

“Plethora?  That’s a word you don’t hear often,” he mumbled.  He should have just led and not talked.  Didn’t he understand he was in an aisle filled with glass with a woman he’d just insulted and another one from Jersey?  I told you store people are idiots. 

Amylynn looked down her pert regal nose at him and right at his single eyebrow.  “Really?  I use it frequently,” she informed him.

A Plethora of Pickled People

Me, in my head, “Run little man, run!  Save yourself!”

But it was not to be.

He said (I swear), “People only use big words to make other people feel stupid.” 

“Sir, I am certain there are many reasons for you to feel stupid but my using the word “plethora” is not one of them.” Queen Amylynn proclaimed. 

It didn’t end well. 

Remember those pickled people jars from the 80s?  Well, the hardware store in our town now has one for sale on aisle 12.    

Back in the car, I did point out that maybe she shouldn’t ask for help in stores anymore, I’m just sayin’.