At least he remembers what I try to teach him . . .

In the summer, when the kids that live at my house are out of school, I can leave the house a lot later for work since I don’t have to get them anywhere on time.  I was really looking forward to my leisurely mornings this year.  I get up at the same time, but I get my jogging out-of-the-way and even get a load of laundry done.  All the way to the office, I get to listen to talk radio instead of that really bad music they make these days.

But alas, it was not to be.  The fourteen year old boy got a part-time job.  When he was first entertaining this notion, I told him, in no uncertain terms, that I would not allow my summer to be hijacked and that he would need to fit himself into my schedule.  There was also a ban on touching the radio.  He worked out his schedule to match mine and swore he’d be okay listening to old white men complaining about everything the president’s done wrong since not being born in Hawaii.

The first few days were okay; he got up on time and didn’t touch the radio.  Near the end of week one, he turned off the radio and suggested we chat.  What??!!  What did you say fourteen year old boy???!!!  You want to talk??  By all means . . .

He got a piece of paper out of his backpack.  I could see he’d written out what appeared to be some sort of list.

The boy only wishes he had a backpack like this!

Boy – You’re a creative person.

Me – That’s true, I made you and your sister before Pinterest was invented.

Boy – Exactly.  (It’s never good when a fourteen year old agrees with you.)

Me – (Reaching for the radio.) Are we done? (I used my hopeful voice.)

Boy – The girl and I have noticed you’ve fallen into a kind of “default” parenting.  It includes these five phrases:.

(Reading the list)

As soon as I’m dead, you can (fill in the blank).

No, the answer is no, so, no.

Because I said so, that’s why.

We do not (fill in the blank) in public.

Go clean your room and we’ll see.

Me – Wow, I had no idea I was that good!  Those have to fit at least 80% of our child/parent needs, maybe even 90%!

Boy – I wasn’t complimenting you, I was pointing out a parenting flaw.  You need some new material, Mom!

Ha Ha – where was this book when I first got the boy and the girl!

Me – You understand it’s 102 outside and we’re still a mile from your job, right?

Boy – Then I’d be dead before you and never get to pierce my ears or get a tattoo or motorcycle or marry a girl who’s pretty but stupid.

Clearly, if he remembered all of that, my parenting skills are top-notch!

What are you favorite parenting lines? Mine happens to be, “What the hell is wrong with you? (Amylynn). Ava’s are better. We’re dying for your examples of epic parenting.