June 29

Amylynn has heard nothing but complaining from the other Sisters this week. Complaining and whining but, truth be told, that’s really just fine considering she’s in San Diego and her Sisters are in Hell. It hasn’t made it over 80 degrees in San Diego and the wretched desert has been over 105 all week. Still, soon enough the Sisters will desert her for cooler climes in the coming weeks and months so as far as she is concerned they can just suck it up. Since the vacation provided many more opportunities for favorite things this week, today’s post is sponsored by San Diego.

1. Seaworld. All the world goes gaga over Shamu and, yes, he’s awesome – all 79 of them or how ever many there are now. But the real cuteness is smaller and fuzzier in the shape of groovy penguins and the almost unbearably adorable sea otters. We love how they swim around with their lunch on their tummies. Or when they hold hands when they sleep. Or fall into the ocean while wrestling with their brothers. The “zoo” keepers saw us dawdling and let us into the back of their habitat to see the babies. You’d better believe if the wardens had blinked for just a minute, one of those cuties would have been nestled in Amylynn’s purse in a heartbeat. I really need to work with the Bandit on his diversion tactics.

 2. San Diego Zoo. It’s entirely possible the San Diegans are sadists. There really is no other explanation for the topography of that park. Who builds a zoo that’s so hilly it needs escalators? Sadists, that’s who. At Sea World, there were defibrillator stations all over the park. We counted sixteen on the map. Not a one at the zoo. I think they want you to die. In fact, they probably have hidden cameras all over the park and a top-secret lounge where they sit around and watch the paying customers pant and wheeze. The password is probably “Death to Fatties” or something else equally rotten. Also, their security is way too high. I’m just saying.

3. Sunscreen and floppy hats. There have been a few sunburns, but nothing like it could have been. That is because Amylynn wears her sunscreen like a half inch thick. She watches people dab it on and sighs in longing, knowing those people probably tan, too. Also, there was the floppy hat she wore all over town. A hat so big she suspects people wonder if there is even a person under there. It’s almost like wearing an umbrella on her head. She likes to pretend that if she wears her giant sunglasses and floppy hat that she’s channeling Jackie O, but she knows that’s just ridiculous. She looks like a crazy-ass tourist and she knows it. Quite tragic, really.

4. Restaurants. The best part of vacation is eating out for every meal. There is no arguing over the dinner menu for the evening. No burnt spaghetti sauce because someone was busy with a crossword puzzle. No dishes to wash. Everyone gets what they want, someone refills your water glass. If you’re really lucky, you get a waiter with some wit. Also, there is the extraordinary opportunity to people watch to your hearts content. Hopefully, you’re able to pretend that the children sitting at your table actually belong to someone else. Plus, there’s always the dessert menu. Ahhhh, vacation.

5. Reading on the beach. Amylynn made it a personal mission not to set foot in the Pacific the entire time she was in San Diego. Instead, she finds a quant little cabana or a comfy beach blanket, spreads out under her gargantuan hat and reads to her hearts content. A nice breeze, plenty of shade and the fresh, salty smell of the ocean is the perfect reading environment. Add a drink with an umbrella and honest to Zeus, it doesn’t get any better than that.