And she doesn’t even wear heels. Score!

So yesterday I talked about the perils of shoe shopping, especially the danger of accidentally speaking to the wrong

I would be proud to say that’s my work in the middle

salesperson. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Ever notice, though, when you get those shoes home sometimes they rub around the heels or try to pinch off your little toe on your left foot. Of course, they didn’t do that in the store. It’s like the salesman’s revenge.

The solution is to wear them in, of course. By doing that though you run the very real risk of losing a toe.

 There is one brilliant woman out there who has solved this very problem with a finesse I can only be awed at.

Queen Elizabeth II has apparently employed an assistant to wear in her shoes. Who do I have to kill to get that job? Can that person work from Hawaii? Would Liz be willing to ship the shoes to Maui? I understand the humidity on Kauai is ideal for breaking in leather.

Actually, I don’t know if that’s even a little bit true but one of my super powers is the ability to bullshit anyone into believing any nonsense I can come up with. That Hawaii crap is pretty easy to work with. But I’m super flexible. If she’s not willing to let me work from Hawaii I’m happy to fly to London or Scotland or where ever her and her new shoes happen to be.

I’m supremely suited for this job. Even though I’m half a size smaller than Liz, I’m certain I can think fat feet and make it work.

 What is your fantasy job? Shoe wearer-inner? Food taster for Paula Dean? Proof reader for JK Rowling?