We are pleased to report we haven’t had to touch the bail money budget yet

We made the trip to Anaheim in 7 hours and 5 minutes including 17 potty stops. Let’s just say, there will be no beverages in the car on the trip home.

The first potty break happened in Gila Bend. Amylynn was driving and she was so desperate to find a potty that she didn’t even notice her iPhone fell out of the car. Thank Zeus it was there, laying on the pavement next to the car in the middle of a scorching McDonald’s parking lot. My Honey is considering that she have the thing surgically attached with a tether. We’ll check into that when we get back. Until then, we’re going to train Siri to screech out a warning whenever Amylynn acts like an idiot.

The next event of note is that Quartzsite, the location of potty stop #37, has a convenience store selling Swedish Fish buy one get one free. We bought nine and we’re not sharing.

The thing about Anaheim is that it’s always associated with the happiest place on Earth. Apparently it’s not as there was a whole block with boarded up windows from a riot sometime during the week. Excuse us, but, as the disgruntled employees of Bank of No Forks, we have no idea what the people of Anaheim have to be so worked up about. Call us selfish, we won’t even flinch, but we’re hoping that keeps the weenies away from the real happiest place on Earth. You know, now that we’re thinking of it, Anaheim IS LIKE A WAR ZONE. SAVE YOURSELVES! DON’T COME HERE.

We attended a literacy event this evening at the Convention center. We saw lots of friends – Karen Hawkins, Sabrina Jeffries, Lauren Willig, Brenda Novak, Suzanne Enoch, Julia London, Jennifer Ashley, Vicki Lewis Thompson, and Patti Knowles. We were super disappointed to have missed Susan Elizabeth Phillips, Jayne Ann Krentz, and Julia Quinn but we still have three more days to track them down and have our fan girl moments.

At the event there were some crazy ass outfits that we really fear were not worn in irony. Who would have thought that Romance Writers of America would have this many people with wonky colored hair? Not us, certainly. But there you go. There was one person in particular we noticed from clear across the room. Ava thought she was Marge Simpson’s sister because who else would have a two foot, hot-pink beehive? We were forced to get closer and look. How could we not? Turns out Diane Kelly was absolutely adorable regardless of the fact that the wig was so alarming Ava couldn’t look straight at it, and we bought her book, Death, Taxes and a French Manicure, because it looks very funny and we love funny.

Also, there seemed to be some crossover with the hooker convention in the next ballroom. We’re not sure how the invitations crossed like that but that’s really the only way to explain some of what we saw. The real tragedy, certainly, is that the hookers were of all the wrong sex.

In addition to authors we love, and others we fully intend to love once we meet them, there were agents here. We didn’t see Amylynn’s agent but she’s here somewhere.  She’s very tiny and easy to miss behind a potted palm. We did see a certain agent who famously rejected Amylynn’s first book with the inexplicable phrase, “it’s a hard row to hoe”. After we rolled her in the third floor ladies room she’s rowing with a swirly.

We also saw a certain lovely agent who has a secret submission of ours. She saw us and we saw her but it wasn’t until after we passed each other that we realized who she was. We decided to pretend we are adults and didn’t chase her down. We’re going to take the high road and wait patiently until she responds like normal people do. We’re going to see how that works for us.

We’re not holding out a lot of hope.

The night wrapped up with a party with the Goddesses. Suzanne Enoch insisted we wear tiaras. Tiaras!

You know what? We think we found our people.