The mantra should be “blend”

I love the Olympics. I watch all the events. I stay up too late trying to see everything. When it comes to the Olympics I’ll watch the stupidest, most boring sports just cause they’re Olympic. Ping Pong? Trampoline? Archery? Really, when else are you going to see that on TV? It doesn’t matter. By the end of these two weeks, I’ll know everything about competitive archery. I do think it’s really too bad that they don’t let Hawkeye compete. He would kick some serious butt.

There has been a lot of talk on the internet and everywhere else about the athlete’s bodies. While I agree that these people have some ridiculously phenomenal bodies, I don’t think that’s where the attention needs to be paid.

There is an elephant in the room that no one ever brings up. A giant glittery elephant.

Some of these gymnasts have a serious love of eyemake up. And shimmery glitter. It’s more than mildly disturbing. In

Mercy!

fact, sometimes I can’t concentrate on the event because of the train wreck on some of these girls. Perhaps it’s that they just have so damn much on and they are only fifteen and sixteen years old. Where is their mother to wipe some of this crap off?

Perhaps, next Summer Olympics we should send Glamour and Vogue magazines over to some of these Eastern European countries as a preemptive strike against the over application of eye shadow. One of them even had fake eyelashes on. Excessive much?

Back to the glitter. I do love me some glitter. It’s my favorite color. Nevertheless, moderation people. Seriously, I’m fairly certain that the Russians used all the glitter. If Disney stock plummets because there is a glitter shortage, we’ll know who to blame.