August 3

The kids are either back in school or their return is imminent. This gives us a great deal of relief because, honestly, you can only hear, “I’m bored” so many times before your head explodes. Well, the jokes on them. School is what complainers get. There was a lot happening this week with the Olympics and the elections and all other shenanigans going on in the world. It was almost hard to pick only five things. Never fear, we did it. Five things. Not four, not six. Five, just like the title suggests. Get comfortable and we’ll dive in.

1. James Bond. Wow, Daniel Craig is awesome as our favorite spy. There was immense sadness when the news came out that there weren’t any more Bond films planned. Let’s call it like it was – depression. There was depression. You can have your opinions about who is the best James Bond. Everyone has one. Unfortunately, many people are wrong. The other guys were fine, but Mr. Craig is a kick-ass, gritty Bond who is ridiculously hot in his hotness. Why is a beaten and bloodied James Bond so sexy? We don’t know, but it is. Fact. Maybe it all harkens back to the old adage, Chicks dig scars. Whatever it is, the man has got it in spades. Check out the movie trailer for the film opening in November – Skyfall it’s called and awesome it will be.
2. Ridiculous pleas for money. Maybe this is mean spirited, but when we read
   

   real Octopus mom

   that Octomom, Nadya Suleman, had created a web site to shill for donations to buy her a new house we were sickened. She’s asking for $150,000 for a down payment. In this economy? Talk about people making their own problems. Here is the mean part: she’s collected a grand total of $270.00 and that made us laugh. We’re fairly certain that we’re going to Hell anyway no matter what our reaction to this unholy cause. The tragic part is that those fourteen (14!!!!!) kids did not pick their mother. Still, we’re not sending money.

   

   Zombie in NYC

3. Zombies in NYC. The zombie news just keeps coming. Apparently, the dish network hasn’t come to terms yet with AMC and some other cable networks and therefore their customers are without the glories of those channels and the excellent original programming they provide. AMC, the people who bring us The Walking Dead, decided to take the bull by the horns so to speak and dressed a bunch of people like zombies and sent them into NYC to promote the show and to get people to demand the return of that channel. Can you imagine? We understand people were totally freaking out. We’re really just impressed that no one was actually beheaded. If one of those stunts shows up in our town, we’re machete-ing first,
   

   The original cloned dog

   asking stupid questions later. Be forewarned AMC. We don’t screw around with zombies out here.

4. Cloning. Get out your pens and paper and map this along with us. It’s complicated. Once upon a time there were some people with too much money who really loved their dog. Time passed and their beloved dog, Lancelot, died of cancer so they had his DNA cryogenically frozen because that’s what all rich people do when their pets die. No goldfish funerals in the toilet for the 1%. Sadness fell over the land until they “won” an auction for the opportunity to have Lancelot cloned from that DNA for $150,000. We know, right! Anyway, Lancelot Encore was born and much happiness ruled the land. Next, they paid “several thousand dollars” to some people with a beautiful blonde princess dog to have Lancelot Encore’s puppies. They were born on July 4^thand were named Glory, Liberty, Star, Allegiance, America, Patriot, Independence, and Victory. Clearly, rich people have no idea how to name a puppy. We’d have gone with Gordon, Lulu, Sally, Amos, Alice, Poppy, Imogene, and Viola. Anyway, as insane as this is, it’s still a better use of $150,000 than #2.
   

   That could be us coxswaining in that boat

5. Kicked out of the Olympics. Like us, you’re probably watching Michael Phelps and Gabby Whatsherface win gold medals and look excited while doing it. At the same time you have no intention of getting your butt off the couch and do 10,000 crunches to get that same stomach. Keeping that in mind, Amylynn did find us a sport that we could participate in with little or no effort on our part. You know those long boats with eight people rowing at light speed? At the very front of the boat there is this chick who sits there and yells at them to “stroke!” She gets one of the medals when they win, too. The Sisters excel at yelling at people and doing as little work as possible. This is our niche. All this brings to mind the badminton teams who were thrown out of the games for trying to lose. Losing is really just an organic effect of the Sisters doing sports. It probably has to do with our intense lack of caring, but that’s not the Olympic motto. At the games you’re supposed to do your best. If the Olympic committee will fly us to London, we promise to do our very best yelling at the losers.