Now if we could make a car that ran on syrup, IHop would rule the world

I’m really aghast at the national media. I realize that we have a lot going on in the news right now especially with the political conventions. The republicans and the democrats are in a major sandbox argument and, understandably, that takes up most of the media’s attention but I still think they are very remiss in burying this story.

this is probably $75,000

That’s the only explanation I can come up with for why it’s being swept under the carpet. The powers that be don’t want you to know. Fortunately, I’m all over it. I will not be bought off by villains who don’t want you to know the truth.

First of all, until I read about this story, I had no idea it was even a thing. Are you aware that Quebec has warehouses full of maple syrup? That they are stock piling it? It’s shockingly true. Quebec has 80% of the worlds maple syrup and this is big business, people. Huge.

How huge? Let me tell you. Hold on to your pancakes cause this will blow your mind.

There was a heist of maple syrup in one Quebec facility. Some sticky (ha!) thieves absconded with 30 million dollars in syrup.

$30,000,000.00.

The thing is, these warehouses are apparently so big that 30M in missing syrup wasn’t even noticed right away.

That, my friends, is one hell of a lot of syrup. Did you know this was a thing? Ava had an inkling. I was totally unaware that syrup was a dynasty like freaking oil in Texas. I guess I thought that there were groves of maple trees with faucets jammed in the trunk with buckets hanging down and that was the sum of syrup. I never pictured that one country was controlling the entire world with syrup.

This heist smacks of some wacky Dr. Evil plan to rule the world. Mark my words – this will come back to haunt us all.

In your opinion, what would be the best use of $30,000,000 of maple syrup? Create really elaborate but sticky practical joke? Make pancakes and waffles until you literally explode? That’s a few ideas. Whatcha got?