September 21

Summer is just about wrapped up. You can tell in our desert town because, although it is still 100 degrees, there is no humidity left. None. There is no perceptible moisture in the air. At all. It’s like the air is crackling with electrical charges, it’s so dry. My skin has dried out over night. I’m like a lizard at this point. If it weren’t a totally disgusting proposition, I would suggest you could grate cheese on my scaly elbows. Over share? I’m never sure where to leave off, dear internet. Sometimes we feel so intimate, and then you ignore me for five days. It’s just like we’re in a romantic relationship. I wish I could sue you for palimony. This conversation has taken a strange turn I really didn’t see coming. My stream of consciousness is very odd. Moving on…here are some amusing things. Five of them in fact.

1. Our long lost uncle. Ava and I are certain we just found our long lost uncle. We never thought to look for him in Carson City, Nevada, but it seems he’s been there the whole time. Fortunately, they told his story in the paper or we’d have never found him. It seems dear Uncle Walter has died. While that is so very, very sad – really, we’re heartbroken, we are somewhat comforted to find out that poor reclusive Uncle Walter had seven million ($7,000,000) in gold bars hidden about his house. We’re coming right down there to claim the body, just as soon as our new identification dries. Thank you, Amylynn and Ava Samaszko.
2. Panda follies. Ladies and gentleman. Another panda bear has been born in the National Zoo in DC. We don’t want to say too much and tip our hand. Let’s just say, now that we have access to the above mentioned 7 million dollars things are going to start happening.
3. Mexican prison tunnels. The Sisters firmly disagree with the whole concept of prison breaks. We think people in prison should stay there unless you happen to be Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman is waiting for you in Zihuantanejo OR you are Jason Statham and then you can do anything you want. All those stipulations being said, we are still fairly impressed with the 130 Mexican inmates who escaped through a twenty-one foot tunnel. That’s a lot of inmates and one heck of a tunnel. Those of us languishing away at Bank of No Forks are very interested in the engineering involved in digging that tunnel. Like how did they get through the concrete? We keep breaking our coffee stirrers when we hit the concrete. Somebody give us a call, would you?
4. Weeding with fire. Some genius decided the best possible way to get rid of weeds in his yard was to burn them with a torch. In the desert. The dry, dry desert. Remember how I mentioned that earlier? Several hours after the blitzkrieg our mental giant noticed the smell of smoke but eschewed it as “residual” smoke. What the hell is “residual” smoke? Isn’t smoke just smoke?  Several more hours later he discovered his garage “engulfed in flames.” Sigh. Honest to God, men can be so dumb. Can you imagine how the rest of his life is going to go now that his wife has this ammunition? Every time she hears a siren, he’s going to get the look.
5. Endeavour. Yesterday we ran outside the office and loitered in the front patio with the rest of the building’s occupants to see the space shuttle Endeavour fly over on its way to California. Almost exactly to the minute when they estimated it would fly over, we heard the rumbling in the sky. The jumbo jet carrying the shuttle was so big it dwarfed the Endeavor which is really saying something about jumbo jet technology. It flew really low at 1500 feet over town and it was awesome. Yea NASA! Is 7 million enough to rent the space shuttle? What if we let you pet our panda?