Termite Infested Shoes sounds like a punk rock band

Dear heaven. Did you hear about the tragedy? We’re not talking about the issue at the National Zoo. We’re not prepared to talk about that just yet. It’s still too fresh. Maybe in six months or so.

No, the tragedy I’m talking about happened in Manila. Much of Imelda Marco’s shoe collection was destroyed. Obviously, there were some outdated shoes, but surely you understand the concept that everything old becomes new again. That’s the very idea behind the word “vintage”.

When Imelda and Ferdinand Marcos fled the Philippines, she left behind some 1,220 pairs of shoes which, along with gowns and purses,  were stored improperly, shoved in boxes and crates, giving access to mold and termites and, most tragically, a flood from a  gushing ceiling leak.

 This is a sad, sad day in shoe heaven.

Next came the news of a looming bacon shortage. What the hell is the world coming to? They claim it has to do with drought and then poor corn production. The Brits say it’s because of shrinking herds. Ava was of course immediately concerned. Bacon is one of the important food groups. She thought we should immediately run out and get ourselves some pigs. This is a horrible idea. Within five minutes of the pigs showing up, I’d have named them and we’d all be cuddling on the couch. I’m not eating anything I’ve named. Even if it’s bacon.

And then they went and killed off Opie.

The whole world is going to hell.