October 19

Amylynn is camping. Her husband tried to tell her there were no laptops allowed. Clearly, he was mistaken. We can guarantee there will be illicit electronics – probably a laptop, iPhone and an iPad. There is no reason why everyone has to be miserable and you can all be assured if Amylynn is bored and stressed out because all she can think about is how she desperately needs to be straightening out chapter 7 and everyone wants her to be made seasick on a boat instead, well then, no one will be happy. As it is, she’s camping, so there is that misery as a base line. Ava is pissing and moaning at Bank of No Forks because not

Parlay, Jack, parlay!

only is Amylynn not there, that also means there is no Jojo Kitty. Woe are the Sisters. Good thing we had these things to laugh about this week.

1. Parlay. We’ve listed words we like before in the 5 things – kerfuffle being a big addition to our vocabularies. This week we really like the word parlay. It can mean either doubling up on consecutive bets or demanding safe passage to negotiate with a pirate captain. The way things have been going lately with the election coverage and also at Bank of No Forks – we’re not even sure which version we should use. Both of those things seem to be run by pirates, don’t they? And we’ll be honest, we do love us a good eye patch.

2. Scottish revolution –  The Scots are getting ready to vote to break away from Great Britain. That’s pretty exciting, we guess. You know what we are 100% certain of? We love to listen to Scotsmen’s accents and they’re especially good when they get all excited. We also dig men in kilts with cute tasselled socks. We’d like to listen to those debates for a while instead of the mind numbing ones we’re getting over here. Maybe if our politicians wore skirts….nah, still wouldn’t help. Go Scotland!

3. Uma’s child abuse. Uma Thurman and her husband announced the name of their kid. Someone should retain that kid a lawyer right away because this name is absolutely absurd. Hold on to your hats cause we’re going to tell it to you. Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence Thurman-Busson. There is no child in this world who needs seven names. Seriously. It’s ridiculous. Apparently they call her Luna which makes no sense. What’s wrong with Rosalind? It’s very Shakespearian and lovely. Whatever. Clearly they’re wacked out of their minds.

He has a blankie!

4. Baby elephant. A lady in Malawi got to adopt an orphaned baby elephant. Guess what we want now. The sweet little guy is named Moses and he’s only 220 pounds ’cause he’s still a wee baby. He lives at the house with the lady who founded the Jumbo Foundation, an orphanage for large animals. He hangs out with her while she watches TV and he likes to play with her dogs. Until it’s time for bed then, apparently, he shoos the dogs outside, gathers all the kitties, and gets ready for bed. She’s thrown a huge mattress on the floor of the dining room and she, Moses, and the cats all bed down. We are totally prepared to gather all our kitties and snuggle with an infant elephant. If we asked you really nicely, would you write us letters of recommendation?

5. Stephen Colbert. We’ve talked before about how much we love Jon Stewart of The Daily Show. Ava was never a fan of The Colbert Report but Amylynn kept at her, insisting that Stephen Colbert is equally as funny as Jon – just different. She resisted for a long time, but now she gets it. While Jon is so outstanding at the dry gaze and the ironically raised eyebrow and he’s absolutely mastered the WTF look, Colbert is a poet when it comes to playing his character – a blowhard of epic proportions. If you don’t watch him right after the Daily Show, you’re short-changing yourself in comedy news reporting. Our favorite part is when he’s so outrageous that he finally makes himself laugh. By that time we’re close to hysterical. Tune in. You’ll see.