I know that Santa is watching and I’m very repentant

Sometimes I worry about myself.

My car has been acting funky. Just the other day it wouldn’t start for no damn reason. Then don’t you know it started right up for My Honey later when he came home. Nothing pisses me off more than that. I’m pretty good with car diagnostics and I hate looking like a fool.

That being said, after a long and soul crushing day at Bank of No Forks, I hopped in my car. I have the satellite radio turned to the Christmas channel. I was in a better mood leaving work than I was when I got there in the morning, so I turned down the radio and called my mom. I’d been pretty awful to her earlier in the day.

Let me remind you, I was in an absolutely WRETCHED mood. It was Monday morning, Bank of No Forks SUCKS, and there was another guy from corporate there today so we couldn’t bring the cat. Ava describes our attitude as “painted with hate.” Don’t we sound like model employees? We’re really quite fun to work with, I assure you.

Anyway, my mom called this morning to ask me – gasp – what I wanted for Christmas. The conversation deteriorated from there when I accused her of ignoring our Words With Friends game. And then I hung up on her. I’m an awful ungrateful child. She called right back and asked, “Did you hang up on me?” I told her, “all of a sudden you were just gone.”

I don’t deserve presents.

SO, I called my mom back as I was leaving the dark parking lot and remember I turned down the radio down a bit so I could hear the phone.

While I was waiting for the phone to ring, I kept hearing one of the warning bells that usually accompanies a warning light on the dash board – only no lights were coming on. Ding! It would do it again and yet no damn light would come on. **Ding** What the hell? Great now the **Ding**  stupid lights aren’t even coming on to tell me what’s **Ding** wrong. God Damn it. **Ding**

Then I realized it was a bell on the stupid Christmas carol on the radio.

What a maroon!

PS – I’m very sorry Mommy. I do want a present.