That is a definite NO

This morning The Bandit was babbling some story to me and, I’ll be honest, I wasn’t really listening. You can’t possibly listen to everything your children tell you. It’s impossible. Sometimes it makes you feel like a bad person, but they talk all the time. ALL THE TIME. If you listen to everything your head would explode. God’s honest truth. Their stories never go anywhere. The sentences never actually end they just wander off to a pointless question. There’s always a question at the end and that’s where the trouble is. You can’t just blindly agree because then you’ve agreed to let them shave the dog and you don’t want to say no because maybe, just this once, they asked if they could go clean their room or something.

Just this morning I listened to twelve minutes of Sassy’s latest dream before I had to tune her out and just do the nod and “uh huh” trick.

Then The Bandit came up with his nonsense while I was making school lunches. It was something about space aliens and the car and somehow the principal of the school.

“…then I said he was an ****,” the Bandit told me with enthusiasm.

I swear to Zeus he said “asshole”. NOW I was paying attention. “Did you just say someone was an asshole?”

“No!” He looked at me aghast. “I’m not allowed to say that word.” There was a pause then he added hopefully, “Am I?”

Yeah, no.