January 18

Whooo-ee. We’re seriously hoping that horrific cold snap was the end of winter. It’s supposed to be 75 degrees this whole weekend which is a far sight better than the freezing 35 degrees we had the earlier part of this week. You really don’t want to hang around with us when we’re both cold and hungry. Trust us, nothing good can come from that. People have been known to get hurt – at least their feelings. We still managed to chuckle over these things.

1. 2014 Corvette. The new Stingray is here and it’s gorgeous and sexy and bound to get at least one of us into trouble. Ava wants to buy one but Amylynn won’t let her have it unless she gets a standard transmission. It should be illegal to get a sports car in an automatic. That’s just wrong. The rub is that Ava can’t drive a stick shift. Conveniently, Amylynn can and quite well she’ll tell you. Once again, we’re going to ask you to send us each a dollar so we can order one. It’s for all of us to share. Think of the delightfully silly blogs that will come out of the two of us racing around in a Corvette. It’s a win for everyone.

2. Grampa Charlie. Charlie Sheen is going to be a grandfather. No that’s not a joke although it’s probably a better predictor of the end of the world than those Mayans were. A grandfather. He acts like such a child himself that it’s hard to imagine him with progeny old enough to have children.  But then, think of the wacky stories he’ll have to tell this enraptured child when they sit upon his knee. Remember this is the guy who said, “I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words — imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.” Mind boggling.

3. Kate’s baby. The lovely Duchess of Cambridge is due to deliver the future prince or princess sometime in July. Ava and I will start checking our mailboxes for our invitations to the royal shower. We thought we’d get something nice from Tiffany – a sterling silver rattle maybe or a little silver box to keep baby teeth safe. We’ll tell you one thing for sure, we’re eating the royal baby shower cake. Diet schmiet. If there’s one thing we’ve learned from reading all those Regency romances, you don’t decline the cake of a duchess. It’s simply not done.

4. Woman in the wall. Did you guys hear about this story? There was a woman in Oregon who fell two stories between two buildings and was wedged between the walls until firefighters got her out. Apparently she was walking on the roofs and fell into the space. There has been no explanation as to what the hell she was doing up there in the first place. The space was only 8-10 inches wide. Go right now and get a ruler and see exactly how skinny 8-10 inches is. We can promise that you don’t have to worry about that happening to the Quill Sisters. We’re not 100% sure our heads would even fit in an 8 inch gap. There is no way our boobs are fitting. We’re not bragging about it. On the contrary, it’s a sad, sad commentary. Here’s the best part. The firemen had to cover her with water and soap in order to get her out. If it’d been us, we’d have begged for butter.

5. CARB NIGHT. The diet we’re on is The Carb Nite Solution. It’s totally working so far. The author is a scientist not a doctor, and he’s read all the studies for us and explains the science of dieting. It’s empowering. Just about everyone has done a no carb diet at some point, but this one has one extra winning aspect. Carb night. Every seventh day you’re allowed, nay commanded, to eat a carb overload. Last week on carb night one of us ate popcorn, a loaf of rosemary bread (yes a loaf), pasta with meat sauce, a chocolate eclair, and a bowl of ice cream. Then she lost four pounds over the next two days. Seriously. By day five – two days away from Carb Night – you’re so desperate for a treat you almost can’t stand it. We have a long list of food for Saturday including pizza, white cake, a pretzel, chocolate chip cookies, and donuts. In fact, we’re thinking of taking a blanket to the Dunkin Donut/Baskin Robbins combination store down the street and just having a picnic in the lobby.