Once Ava got to work today, she realized that she had an after hours work-function she’d totally forgotten about. She didn’t feel that she’d dressed up sufficiently, that her make-up wasn’t fancy enough, and her hair was too bleh. We were also the only ones at work today so we were handling everything thus there wasn’t enough time to run to the mall to do anything about it.

After lunch she came to my office to see what make-up I had in my purse. “That purse weighs 90 pounds. Surely you have a black eyeliner in there.”

“Nope.” I don’t wear much makeup. In fact, on a day to day basis I think Ava has on more than me.

“I don’t believe you. There has to be some in there.”

To prove I didn’t have black eyeliner on me, we dumped my purse out on my desk and took inventory.

• There was one fat wallet – not full of money, I assure you.
• 2 brown bobby pins – one she prompty lost in the carpet
• 1 very wee safety pin – completely useless unless you need to pin butterfly wings together or something
• 1 very, very small bandaid
• A checkbook – fairly useless, but still I cling to ancient technology
• 1 stolen pen
• 3 different thumb drives. I have no idea what is on two of them.
• 1 Susan Elizabeth Phillips paperback book – Hot Shot – with a used envelope as a book mark.
• An empty cell phone case with a pink cupcake on it. It’s adorable but mostly useless and I can’t bring myself to throw it away.
• a mostly empty lotion bottle. You have to bang the crap out of it in order to get any to squirt out. Why don’t I throw it away? I have no idea.
• Wicked Evil Apple Mints tin substituting as a Quill Sister business card holder
• A leather holder with gift cards I will never use.
• A White Out tape
• Uber cheap, mega scratched sunglasses
• a package of hair ties. I have to hide them if I want one to put up a ponytail. Sassy wears them by the dozens as colorful bracelets.
• two packages of gum
• Car/house keys – note they are in my purse, not locked in the car
• Dental floss – in case I need to facilitate a prison break
• a pretty stamped-tin I got at the Unicef store that holds Excedrin Migraine and RelPax – in case a headache threatens
• several nail files in various levels of decay
• miscellaneous business cards for editors and such I collected at the national convention. I threw most of them away.
• 2 house keys I had made that don’t work. I haven’t figured out what to do with them yet. I can’t bring myself to throw them away because they are red and have ladybugs printed on them.
• A wee notebook for jotting things down.
• Book notes and plot map for a current Work In Progress
• 3 lip glosses (Ava made me throw one away), pressed powder, 2 different concealers (in case I need to conceal a volcano on my chin) a mostly gone lipstick in my favorite shade (which I haven’t worn in at least 2 years), lip balm, and a sample of Ralph Lauren perfume.

Do you notice a conspicuous lack of black eyeliner? I suggested she race over to Target and I’d cover the phones. No – she didn’t want to do that. Mostly she wanted to whine that I didn’t have an eyeliner. She took the little handful of stuff I did have and disappeared.

Guess what she did. Guess. You’ll never guess. Never in a million years.

I swear to Zeus and Apollo and Hera above that she stole the black Sharpie from my desk and used it as an eyeliner.

“I used it as a mascara, too,” she proudly told me when I stared at her open mouthed.

I swear I can not make this shit up.

Ava defends herself –

I’m not totally reckless, I drew on my leg with the Sharpie to make sure I wasn’t allergic to it before I put it on my eyes.  Did you all notice how Amy tried to avoid the blame for this?  Her purse weighs 19 lbs.  How, in the name of all that’s holy, was there not an eyeliner in there??  How?

Our friend Alica Mckenna Johnson – the author of the charming blog, Comic Con Queen Trapped on Planet Zero – tagged us in the Next Big Thing blog hop. The point of which is to tell readers about your latest work in progress or what you have coming up next, and to introduce you to other writers your favorite blogger knows and loves.

It’s gonna be fun. You’ll see.

1- What is the working title of your book? – Lady Belling’s Secret.

2- Where did the idea for the book come from? Ah, well, I’d been reading devouring the Julia Quinn catalog and thought, hey, I can write one of those. Besides, I was tired of never finishing anything. Or being excited about anything I’d written. THIS I’m super excited about. It’s also notable that it’s the first of a trilogy (there may be a fourth book. We’ll see) Book 2, Miss Goldsleigh’s Secret, will come out in the beginning of 2013. The third, The Duke of Morewether’s Secret, is coming along nicely.

3- What genre does your book fall under? Technically it’s historical romance but I call it Regency Romantic Comedy.

4- Which actors would you choose to play your characters in the movie rendition: Oh, this is so easy. Isla Fisher as Francesca. Carter Oosterhouse as Thomas. Gabriel Aubry (before the beat down) as Lord Dalton.

4- How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript? The first draft was eleven months. I started it on Halloween  and decided it was done in September the following year. I was a complete idiot. This book has been torn apart and  completely rewritten no less than three times. Besides the character’s names and the Happily Ever After, this final product has very little resemblance to the original work.

5- What other books would you compare your story too within this genre? If you like Julia Quinn or Celeste Bradley you’ll like mine. Remember – comedy, romance, comedy.

6- Who or what inspired you to write this book? I’d like to throw my Sister Ava under this bus but really, the blame can be leveled on Julia Quinn.

7- What else about your book might pique the readers interest? I have a Pinterest Board dedicated to the book. Follow the jump.

Here’s the blurb from the back of my book 

Francesca Bellings is torn between two worlds—her past infatuation with her brother’s best friend and her future obligations. She never intended to end up in the bed of her longtime crush, Thomas Wallingham, but that’s exactly where she finds herself.

Unfortunately, mail is slow during a war. She thought he knew everything. He had never suspected.

Thomas has always wanted to be a part of the Bellings family but he was too foolish to grab the chance when she threw herself at him before. Instead, he ran off to war.  Emboldened by his new-found appreciation for a grown-up Francesca, he finds that dream is within his reach.

If she thinks he’s running away this time, she has no idea what she’s in for.

In order to pay it forward, here are some of the authors we know and love. Check out what they’re working on. You won’t be sorry.

Jaycee Delorenzo

Ed Hoornaert

Cynthia Garner

Tara Simone

Vicky Loebel – Vicky’s book is free through 11/29. It’s fabulously sarcastic. You know how I love sarcasm.

Sassy and The Bandit had dentist appointments today.  The appointments were actually made because The Bandit chipped a tooth. Yes a permanent tooth. Sigh. When I got home from work last week and saw the damage, I just shook my head.

“Dude, you’ve only had that tooth, like, a year. Is that how you take care of your stuff?”

He looked at me like I was crazy. I get that look a lot.

“Really,” I continued, “You’re going to need that tooth for, like, 90 more years.”

I went in to the appointment with The Bandit cause he was quite nervous. Also, I wanted to be sure the dentist was properly stern about his appalling brushing habits.

With an absolutely straight face he told the dental hygienist that he brushed his teeth three times a day and ALWAYS flossed.

I fell off of the rolling doctor stool I’d appropriated.

Fortunately, she wasn’t falling for it. She pulled out the tooth polish and commenced to explain the procedure.

“What flavor is that?” he demanded.

“Vanilla.”

He looked skeptical. “Are you one hundred percent sure it’s not mint. I really hate mint.”

“It’s not mint,” she assured him and kept her smile hidden behind her face mask.

He stared at her a good long time before he consented to open his mouth and allow her entry to clean his teeth. She tossed me a look across the room that said, “Dear God. Is he always like this?” I closed my eyes and nodded, because, yes, he is always like that.

Once she started cleaning, the boy got a bad case of Wandering Butt Syndrome. You know how that works. He started at the top of the dental chair and shrunk and slithered until he was half way down the chair.

“Sit up, please,” she said.

Up to the top of the chair then wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, he was half way down the chair again. Rinse, suck-y tube, repeat.

At the end of the appointment, he got a nifty toothbrush with a suction cup on the bottom. I’ve already found it stuck to various inappropriate places in the bathroom.

I really love Simon’s Cat.

Ava called, all concerned. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing. Why?”

“It’s Saturday,” she told me.

“Alright.” I drew the word out really long like you do when everything is not, in fact, alright.

“You never wrote the Five Things,” she told me.

OH. HOLY. CRAP. What day is it again?

Needless to say, I got all confused with leaving Bank of No Forks early on Wednesday then having Thursday and Friday off. I was horrified that I’d forgotten a day. I ALWAYS post. It kinda drives Ava crazy because I’ll pester her and pester her if I don’t have a topic. And then to just completely blow off a day!? Shocking.

Then I said, screw it. You people will all be OK, right?

Whew. I worried about it there for a minute.

I’ll bet that Stephanie Meyers had no idea when she penned the Twilight series that she just may have written a story that could cause

I”ll admit – I totally don’t get this. Kristen Stewart is possibly the worst actress on the planet. -Amylynn

worldwide peace and unity – and yet, I think she just might have.

Over the weekend, the girl who lives at my house insisted I take her to see the final Twilight movie.  We had been to see Skyfall last weekend at the boy’s selection for his birthday and she felt it was her turn to pick.  Ed, rather conveniently, had something else already going on.  The boy tried his best to get her to switch to Lincoln but the girl wouldn’t even respond to such nonsense.  Just to aggravate her, he decided he was coming with us.

We arrived at the movie theater super early.  Being super early to a movie is a family trait because we have to sit in the very last row, dead center.  If we can’t sit there, we’d rather stay home.

As early as we were – there was a HUGE line!  There wasn’t even a line for Skyfall on opening weekend and James Bond/Daniel Craig is in that.

People from all walks of life were in that line.  I’m not kidding – young girls, young boys, teenagers – both kinds, hipsters, Gen X, baby boomers, late bloomers – you name it they were there.

Everyone waited patiently, no pushing, no shoving, very little whining (the little bit of whining was coming from me), people were actually holding places in line while others went in to get their $50 snacks.  It was a beautiful experience. Sniff.

And it got even better (or worse, depending on your point of view) once they let us in.  Everyone squished in to let everyone have a seat.  A fight over a seat had actually started when we went to see Skyfall but not here at Twilight lovefest 2012.  During the entire movie, you

This I totally get. More Bond. Yessiree.

couldn’t hear a pin drop.

I texted Amylynn: OMG, an old Italian/Mexican man wearing pleated dress pants just stepped on my foot!

I’m telling you EVERY type of person in the world was in there.  And as god as my witness, the audience clapped at the end.  It turned into a cheer.  When’s the last time you went to a movie and the audience clapped/cheered at the end?

But there you have it – Stephanie Meyers and her little vampire love store brought all kinds together and for two hours our hearts were one.

I texted Amylynn: I think that movie needs to be shown on the Gaza strip right away!

Amylynn texted back: I don’t know who you are but when the owner of that phone finds you, she’s going to beat you senseless for stealing her phone!

Except if they’ve seen Twilight . . .

You may not know this so I’m going to tell you. Seven-year-old boys are… loud, pesky, expensive, filthy. Pick a pesky adjective and I’m certain it’ll fit. If you already have or had a seven-year-old-boy then I’m certain you’ll agree with me.

The one who lives in my house, The Bandit, frequently leaves his father and I speechless. I don’t know why is father is speechless. I highly suspect that he was an equally challenging kid. His mother always has a story about his exploits. I think my very own brother was difficult, but I can’t really remember because when he was seven I was eleven. If you don’t remember, eleven-year-old girls have very little to do with their seven-year-old brothers by design.

My friend who has twin boys who’ve made it to seventeen remembers their seventh year as the “kill, crush, destroy” years. I think that’s pretty apt, don’t you?

The Bandit has chipped a front tooth. “Dude,” I said when I was informed of this, “you’ve only had that thing like a year. Is that how you take care of your stuff?” He did not look at all cowed. He just grinned at me with this chippy toothedness. “You’re going to have those teeth for like ninety more years. I suggest you take better care.”

His father has forbidden him to remove his shoes in the house. Why? Well, really I blame the schools and helicopter parents. Schools and

Inside the shoe you’ll see at least another 1/2 pound of chips

playgrounds now have their entire play areas covered with wood chips in case your little darling should fall down. Apparently, the wood chips are better at cushioning the kids falls. I don’t know if that’s true or not, but I do see an increase in splinters. Anyway, every day when The Bandit comes home we get twenty-eight pounds of wood chips in our living room.

I ask you, how in the hell can he walk around all day with this much wood in his shoes? Where does he keep his feet? Wouldn’t you think this would be excruciatingly uncomfortable? Keep in mind that often he doesn’t bother to wear socks. That amps the uncomfortable factor up several more notches, wouldn’t you think?

I don’t know. I don’t understand him at all.

If I ever lose him though, we can just follow the mess trail.

I finally finished rewriting my first novel. Again. For the 763 time.

As I finished each chapter, I’d print it out for Ava and she’d read and critique and help me make sure everything was heading off in the right direction. Often she’ll write things in the margin that piss me off and I’ll yell at her. Things like “dumb” or “ridiculous” when I’ve written something dumb or ridiculous I guess, but I thought was perfectly fine. Inevitably, she’ll be right and I’ll take out the sentence or whatever it is that offended her so. Still, my artistic sensibilities will be bruised.

This isn’t going to feel like a segue but it is. Hang in there with me for a minute.

Every year, Ava gets a flu shot. I don’t get them. I’m young(ish) and healthy (relatively) so I don’t get one. Ava has taken it as her personal mission to harangue me into getting the damn thing, but I refuse. Every sniffle, sneeze, or itch is proof to her that I now have the flu and will spend the next four to six weeks in physical agony all because I didn’t listen to her and get the flu shot. She is anticipating with an inordinate amount of glee her opportunity to say, “I told you so.”

Ava is sorta evil like that.

So, one day at Bank of No Forks, she’s reading my latest chapter and she Instant Messages me. “I miss George.”

“Who the hell is George?” I IM back. George Washington? George Clooney. I do miss George Clooney, but I suspect that’s not to whom she is referring.

“You’ve forgotten George already?”

Curious George? Giant George? George of the Jungle? “I guess. Who is George?”

“He died of influenza in ’07” she tells me.

It takes me a minute to realize that she’s quoting from my own manuscript. My main characters refer to a non-character in conversation  and mention his passing.

“I’ll bet he didn’t get his flu shot,” she IMs

“I suspect not.”

At this point George has become very influential in my life. Ava refers to him at least once a day as a cautionary tale.

I may go back and rewrite him dying from Bubonic plague or something. Do they still have vaccinations for Cholera? Smallpox is extinct right?