NEW RELEASES
Just So You Know . . . we’re not putting up with stupid today, we did that yesterday and we’re over it.
Just So You Know . . . we don’t have regrets, maybe just some small incidences that we wish the police would forget about.
I had a fit and then everyone lived happily ever after
I got frustrating news from my literary agent today. Understandably, I think, that puts me in a pissy funk for the rest of the day.
Ava tried to make it better, really she did. She agreed I had the right to be crabby. She made what she thought were helpful suggestions. I didn’t agree with her, loudly and with much attitude until she stopped. I guess she finally sensed that I wasn’t going to be agreeable with anything.
Right-o.
I wasn’t. I write historical romance. At this point, I think I could be the best, most magnificent historical writer in the entire history of publishing and editors would still be too terrified to take risks right now. Historical isn’t selling, they tell me. That’s four frustrating years of pulling words out of my head to craft these books I’m quite proud of to absolutely no avail. I don’t write this stuff for my own pleasure, although I do enjoy writing very much.
I write to be a successful writer. I hope to get the hell out of corporate banking. Actually any banking or any corporate. OUT. I want out. I don’t have delusions about a million dollar book deal or anything. My delusions are much more attainable.
It’s just that on days like today my “attainable” seems quite delusional indeed.
I decided that I’m writing the wrong thing and, in a fit of pique, I threatened not to finish the current book I’m writing – book 3 that finishes my trilogy.
That frustrated Ava. “That’s just stupid.”
“Why?” I wanted to know. “There is still easily six months work left on that book. What the hell is the point? I should stop and write something that’s going to sell. Like contemporary.”
“You don’t want to write contemporary,” she insisted.
“I want to write something that sells,” I yelled at her.
The conversation continued on in this vein for quite some time. My “voice” would work very well in contemporary novels. I’m funny. Funny works. I’m not even exactly sure what her point was, but her words were irritating.
At lunch I wanted to go to the church and look at the new releases and wallow in the fact that my books are not there and don’t seem to be showing up anytime soon.
Our bickering picked up right where we left off. “You don’t want to write this crap,” she said and thrust a book with an admittedly bland cover at me.
“How do you know it’s crap?” I asked. “You’ve admitted over and over you don’t read the genre. Someone, somewhere does. Lot’s of someones since it’s the #1 selling genre every time they run the numbers.”
She didn’t have an argument for that, yet she continued poking the bear.
“Here,” she read the blurb of a book I’ve seen many times, not read, but been intrigued by because the story sounds very funny. “You could write this. Why haven’t you been writing this?” she demanded.
Now keep in mind that we’re in the Barnes & Noble having this loud discussion, shoving books at each other and generally being obnoxious. What else is new, you’re thinking.
“BECAUSE I’ve spent the last four years of my life writing ‘brilliant, funny’ prose THAT NO ONE IS BUYING!” I yelled at her. Another patron snorted and turned her face so I couldn’t see her laughing. Oh, but I saw. I SAW.
It was then that a third deep voice boomed over the shrillness of ours. “Hey, keep it down in the bookstore, ladies!”
Ava immediately shut her trap, feeling both chastised and afraid that we were finally going to be thrown out of the church for good. I, however, was in no mood. It had been a crappy day and I was all fired up because Ava was being a horse’s ass. I turned to throw the man a look my mother has named “the pirate look”, the look that says, in no uncertain terms, that you should run away because I will cut you.
Only it turns out it was an old acquaintance of ours from a previous bank. He was delighted to see us and I had to pull back my claws because seeing him was so unexpected and not awful. He wanted to know what we were up to and I told him, duh, fighting in book stores.
So, to recap, we’re still welcome in B&N, my snit will run its course by tomorrow, I’ll finish book 3 because I always complete my projects, and I think I’m going to start thinking about a plot for a contemporary.
And I was so irritated with Ava by the end of the day, I just wanted to slap the shit out of her.
Ava has been forbidden to read whatever contemporary I write. Ever.
That’ll teach her.
Where have you had the best public fight? Better yet, where have you been thrown out of? A bar? A country club? What were you doing? Dish!
Just So You Know . . . we used to have part-time jobs as super villains but then we got a kitten.
Just So You Know . . . Over the weekend, we considered becoming trendy vegans but then someone told us that involved eating vegetables, that was way too close . . .
I’m ALIVE – a very Frankenstein moment
I heartily apologize for not posting on Sunday night. I was sick as a dog on Sunday. The only time I moved from the
It's ALIVE!
couch was when I was racing to the bathroom. Is that an overshare?
Sorry.
Jojo (the cuddliest kitten EVER) and I spent the entire day on the couch, motionless, while Sassy and the Bandit destroyed the house. My Honey was out helping a friend and every once in a while I’d open my eyes and give them a weak admonishment to pick up their toys and warn them that their father would be home soon and would most likely kill them.
They ignored me entirely, much to their dismay when their father did indeed come home and lower the boom.
I lay there, considering turning on my computer and at least posting a one line apology but I couldn’t muster the energy. Pushing down the keys on my keyboard was more than my weak body could take. That flu was awful. I heartily 
recommend you don’t get it.
Right now, I’m watching my favorite hockey team play really well in game 5 of Round 2 of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. They’re going to the Western Conference Final – something they’ve never done before. The best news of all is that it looks like my Phoenix Coyotes finally have a buyer and they’ll be staying in Glendale. That means that one of these days, I may actually get up to Glendale to see a game. It’s just that Glendale is sooooo freaking far.
The Avengers was AWESOME! It was hinted at in comments last week that my review would be biased. **hurrumph** It’s a great movie – especially if you’re a fan of superhero/action movies. We went on Friday, opening night, with everyone else on the planet. I know some people hate that, but I love a
crowded theater much the same way I love shopping the Friday after Thanksgiving. A crowd just amps up the excitement.
Honestly, the movie is hysterical – so funny that the audience was often laughing over more funny lines so I’ll have to see it again. I think that’s an evil plot by the film makers, don’t you think? Robert Downey, Jr. is FUNNY as you’d expect him to be and Mark Ruffalo is a fabulous, dry wit as Bruce Banner/Hulk. Even Gwennyth Paltrow didn’t make me want to kill her – which is unusual. I do wish there had been more of Black Widow and Hawkeye – but this was really the other guys’ movie.
Do go see it, though, it’s good fun – if you’re into fun. Otherwise, go see something by Nicholas Sparks if you want to kill yourself by the end of a movie. I’m just saying.
Did you see The Avengers? Did you love it? Hate it? Who’s your favorite? You know you have one. Are you a full action Thor type or more of a cerebral IronMan person? A sneaky NightHawk type or full tilt Hulk fan?
May 4th
You have never seen such a pathetic bunch of sneezers in your life as the three of us. Dirty Kleenix mountains grow steadily in our vicinity. The whining has reached epic proportions. Honestly, we’re not sure if our necks are strong enough to hold up our heads anymore. Allergy medicine is not helpful as even the self-proclaimed non-drowsy pills make us drowsy. At the very least, they have muddied our minds to the point that we’re no longer able to give quick, witty rejoinders – just 
mean, grouchy bitching. There were some good things this week.
- Wallaby. This little gal, Tilly, was found outside her mom’s pouch, rejected, at the Whipsnade Zoo in England. So now she lives in a “rucksack”. Let’s say it together shall we, “Ahhhhhhhhhhh.” If they need volunteers, we feel qualified since we’re raising Jojo the Fuzzy Kitty. Wallabies have been on our minds lately, anyway, since we saw that episode of Home Finders in NYC where the guy was tired of his 1.4 million dollar apt and wanted something “bigger”. He found one he just loved, but the co-op wouldn’t accept his application because he had a pet wallaby. Really. In
New York City. Don’t you wonder what the downstairs neighbors think of all that jumping around up there? - Funny Books. This week we read Let’s Pretend This Never Happened by Jennie Lawson, thebloggess. This book is so damn funny, we had tears running down our faces. We’ve been long time fans of the Bloggess so we made it a point to buy the book when it came out and read it right away. This took some dedicated effort because, for whatever reason, Winnie the dog decided she wanted that book, too. She ate it. Twice. When we say “ate” we’re not exaggerating. Amylynn came home to find the hardback cover desiccated. Most of the actual manuscript survived outside the binding and thus Amylynn would just tear off whatever part she was finished with and pass it on to the next sister. Unfortunately, Winnie got to it a second time and thirty-five pages at the end of the book were sent to a slobbery grave. We had to buy the book again. This is the only book Winnie has ever
touched. Good taste, we say. - ½ price frappuccinos. Starbucks is selling them ½ price May 4th – 13th from 3 to 5pm. They have a new flavor: Mocha cookie crumble. With chocolate whipped cream. We’ll see you there. What do they say, feed a cold, starve a fever, drown an allergy? Something like that.
- True statement of the week. This from an article in the Picayune of all places. Not the usual site for smart, witty reporting. “You are entitled to your own opinion but not your own facts.” Has a truer statement ever been said? This quote should actually be attributed to the late Sen. Daniel Patrick Moynihan, D-NY. That explains how it was in the Picayune in the first place. It wasn’t given birth to there, only disseminated. That’s our motto anyway.
- Office pot-lucks. Admit it, these are fun. You never know what you’re gonna get, but it’s always interesting. We happen to be in an office with good cooks – good Mexican cooks – so there’s always yumminess to be found. And of course, desserts. Lots of desserts. The best complaining comes during the nosh in the kitchen. Everyone gathered around nibbling and laughing – best gossip ever.
Just So You Know…if there is an Olympic medal for snot production, we’re gold medalists.
Kryptonite has me in it’s evil clutches – wait that’s the wrong movie
The Avengers opens tomorrow. Tra la la la la!
Thank goodness the birthday we’re celebrating this week is The Bandit’s, because if this was two weeks later it’d be Sassy’s turn and she’d never let me see the Avengers for her birthday. A big “Yay!” for seven year old boys.
I’d love to tell you that we’re seeing this particular movie because of the boy, but I’d be lying and, I suspect, you’d see right through me. I’m certain My Honey does. I love super hero movies. Really, really, really love them.
I’m so excited about it I can barely stand it. I’m just as excited about Hawkeye as I am about Thor and Iron Man.
Ava wanted me to write a funny post about what picking your favorite Avenger says about you. Something super witty as she suggests chosing Iron Man means you have a propensity for men with a sardonic, sophisticated wit, who’ve experimented with drugs, and play with toys.
Unfortunately, I’m damn near brain-dead from all the snot in my head. This allergy season is kicking my butt.
The best I can come up with is that choosing Thor means you like huge men with inflated egos and absurdly blue eyes.
That’s just dumb. Instead watch the trailer and get excited with me.
Not all the Avengers are “super heroes”. Some are just mortals with amazing skill sets. This week mine is blowing my nose and whining about it. Are seasonal allergies sent directly from the devil to torment us or what?