NEW RELEASES
In Our Humble Opinion . . . the Oscar’s don’t always get it right.
I should have made her wait in the car
So it was My Honey’s birthday and I dragged Ava into a music store to get pick him up a present. She proceeded to touch everything in the store and make wholly unnecessary comments all the while.
She tried the guitar straps on as belts and made fun of the guitar string’s packaging.
She announced that camo shorts were for hunters and wanted to know when fat musicians decided that was the look for them.
There were remarks about the other patrons and their hair.
And then she made a cardinal sin. Something one simply does not do while in a music shop populated by tattooed and long-haired guitarists.
She insulted Van Halen.
She did it while I was finishing up my transaction. We were standing at the counter and there was a display of VH CDs. She picked up one of the cases using her fingernails on the smallest corner of the plastic as if there was a disease she could catch simply by being in its proximity.
“Who needs to hear these songs ever again?” she asked. Obviously it was a rhetorical question. The dude holding my Hello Kitty credit card raised an eyebrow.
“You don’t like Van Halen?” he asked. I think he had a stake behind the counter to kill her with if her answer struck him the wrong way.
“David Lee Roth is yicky.” This is undisputed fact. DLR is very “yicky.” For the love of Perseus, the man is still trying to rock a pair of shirtless overalls and greasy, bleached hair. The man is 58 years old. Get some self respect, dude. Still, it’s not good form to mention this in the holy sanctuary of a guitar store. His people will not appreciate it.
Tattooed clerk narrowed his gaze. “What about old Van Halen.”
Ava perked up. “Oh yeah. Old Van Halen rocked.”
I audibly exhaled. I thought for sure we would be alright, escape unscathed, live to insult again another day.
But, no. She did it again while walking by the front of a giant display advertising the opportunity to win tickets to a Van Halen concert. She waved a dismissive hand at the sign.
“You like Van Halen?” the goofy guy stamping receipts at the front door asked. He didn’t wait for an answer before he told us excitedly, “You can win, you know!”
“If we win does that mean we don’t have to go?”
I’m not proud to tell you I made a break for the door. You know the Marines say, “No man left behind”. Well that’s not the case with the Sisters. If you do something that stupid the other two are going to run. I got the car started and hoped she’d make it.
It could have been a lot worse. At least she didn’t tell the entire store how much she hates Stairway to Heaven.
In Our Humble Opinion . . . nothing aggravates us more than people who use the word “irregardless”, just stop that already.
In Our Humble Opinion . . . no one should say crazy things like “I’m not having dessert, thank you.”
February 24
The Sisters have been running afoul of crazies lately. This is disconcerting because we have plenty of our own crazy, we certainly don’t need to be farming any of it out. Unfortunately, the Sisters seem to have some sort of Whack-a-loon magnet. We’re not sure if there’s a way to rid ourselves of this disability. Perhaps there is a drug? A séance? Perhaps we need an old priest and a young priest… While we keep dodging those loony bullets, these things came along to amuse.
- National. We booked tickets to our first national convention this week. The convention is in California this year which is totally doable.
This is an opportunity for us to talk to other writer-y types besides the ones we talk to all the time. We run through writer-y people pretty quickly so it’s nice to have a stack of them waiting on deck. The keynote speaker this year is Stephanie Laurens – the author of the Cynster series. We’re big fans. That’s another great draw of the national convention – a chance for us to get all fan girl again. Also, Rachel Gibson will be there, and we just love her. It 
just occurred to us that Julia Quinn will surely be there which made our hearts palpitate. - Orange Chicken. Panda Express has the best orange chicken. It’s just the right amount of spicy and sweet. It also has the distinction of brewing the best iced tea in town – an unpresuming passion fruit blend. But the real reason we love orange chicken from Panda Express is right there in the name. Panda. We figure it’s all in who you know, and they say you should never discount anyone who can help you reach your goals. How outrageous would it be if we managed to get a panda bear all because we are nice to the ladies at Panda Express? We don’t make a habit of being easy going, but you can be assured that we’re very nice when we go to fetch our orange chicken and iced tea.
- Kathleen Madigan. This comedienne is hysterical. She was in town this past week and Ava was lucky enough to get to go. Amylynn has long been a fan, so she was very jealous. One joke Ava took away from the show had to do with Wall Street protestors. Kathleen stated that she’s never been mad enough about anything to be willing to camp. That’s exactly what two out of three Sisters say, too. In fact, it’s the concept of camping itself that will cause Amylynn and Ava to take up arms. Down with
wilderness! - Carnival Costumes. Wow – Mardi Gras carnival is fabulous. All the glitter and rhinestones are enough to make a princess wannabe swoon. And where else can you get a bunch of cheap beaded necklaces for next to nothing? Well, besides Chuck-e Cheese, but we were asked to keep our shirts on when visiting that establishment. Nevertheless, the floats, the costumes and masks,
the general revelry looks so exciting. One of these days, we all hope to be in Venice for carnival. - Royal Puppy. Will and Kate got a puppy. A super, duper cute cocker spaniel. This particular breed has never been a favorite of the Sisters, but it’s a puppy. Short of one of those scary hairless dogs from Mexico, we pretty much love all puppies. Here is our concern with the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge – they named the dog Lupo. The name is supposed to be derived from the Latin lupus meaning wolf. Yeah – you can name a German Sheppard after lupus. Naming a cocker spaniel after a wolf is just really wishful thinking. We decided that this puppy’s name is actually Willard – not that he has ANYTHING to do with Mitt Romney – but if you look closely, this puppy has Willard written all over him. We’re concerned that Will and Kate don’t have much of a sense of humor.
In Our Humble Opinion . . . you might want to rethink wearing the trendy new “floral patterns” on your pants.
In Our Humble Opinion . . . heavy is the head that wears the crown but hey, a crown is just like a tiara so we’re in.
In Our Humble Opinion . . . a purpose filled life means you have volunteered for way too many jobs and you need to learn the word NO.
In Our Humble Opinion . . . gas isn’t worth more than $1.99 a gallon – tops.
Will you be my Valentine because you won’t want to be the Valentine of the boy that lives at my house
Having a 14 year old boy live in your house is always an adventure. Always. The one that lives at my house truly gets straight As. In all classes, even the ones he doesn’t care for – like gym and art. You would think that makes him pretty smart – right? Well, not if you judge him on his Valentine Day actions.
A little background – being 14, he’s not really allowed to date. However, it’s rather difficult to stop him from liking a 14 year old girl at his school. Over Christmas break, they were going to go to the movies. At first, her parents said she could go but then they changed their minds and rescinded their approval. They said she wasn’t mature enough. Where they know of a mature 14 year old I’d like to know about…
Anyway, the week before Valentine’s Day, he asked me if we could stop at the store on our way to school that day so he could get her some flowers. I don’t remember 14 year old boys being brave enough to give flowers to girls in public, on Valentine’s Day no less, so I said sure.
He got her carnations
Hang in there with me, here’s the good part, he gives her the flowers and she gives him a small gold box with notes in it and those little pastel candy hearts. He supposedly tells her that he’ll read them when he gets home. He makes that poor little girl wait all day!!!
But it doesn’t turn out that she has to just wait all day, it turns out she has to wait all day and part of the night.
The girl who lives at our house had a basketball game after school. So we went to that and then on the way home we stopped at the pizza store because it was now 7 o’clock and we all know I’m not cooking. The boy and I got home first because Ed and the girl had to stop at the school to drop some team mates off.
I expect the boy to immediately get the gold box from his bottomless backpack and rush upstairs to read the notes. But no, he fires up our laptop. I ask what he’s doing and he tells me that he is expecting to receive his new headphones via UPS and that he thinks they should be here any minute. It’s already past 7 o’clock and I tell him there is no way they will still be delivered and that he should run upstairs and read those notes and text the little girl.
While I’m offering this brilliant advice, he’s in the foyer making sure the porch light is on. Right away I hear the UPS truck. Next I hear the front door open and close. Now he’s back in the kitchen and opening up a box. He taking stuff out and reading directions.
Ed and the girl arrive and we eat. When we’re done, the boy goes upstairs, brown cardboard box in hand but no little gold box.
Gold Valentine Box
About an hour later I find him in his room with his new head phones and he’s syncing them up to his computer. I ask about the gold box. I tell him she’s probably been waiting for hours for his reaction. He says she’s not like that.
Not like that? ALL fourteen year old girls are like that!!!!!! He tells me not to worry about it. I’m worried alright; I have no intention of getting stuck with this kid for the rest of my life. I’m counting on some girl to take him away just like I did for Ed’s mother. What girl is going to do that if he can’t even open a Valentine in a timely fashion!? How is this kid getting straight As???
I go back down stairs and he shows up 30 minutes later to watch the Daily Show with me. I ask when he’s planning on reading the notes. I get a blank look, then recognition dawns. “Oh!” he says. “I’ll go upstairs and do it now and come right back.” He digs the box out of the backpack and sits on the couch. “I thought you were going upstairs?” I say. “Nah, I’ll just read them here so we can start the show,” he says.
Candy Hearts
Really? They don’t even warrant a bit of privacy? I guess I should be glad since he’s too young anyway, but REALLY?
He whips through them in less than 5 minutes while Jon Stewart is making fun of Mittens Romney. “Are you going to text her?” I say. “Later,” he says, “after Jon Stewart.”
Here’s what I picture: that adorable little girl calling all of her friends because she’s a nervous wreck for giving a fourteen year old boy notes that say (he let me read one) “I like how smart you are.” I guess she now knows that’s NOT true and I guess it’s best that she find out now that boys are inconsiderate jerks. I feel bad for her but I feel worse for me – how is he ever going to get a girl to marry him?