I should have made her wait in the car

So it was My Honey’s birthday and I dragged Ava into a music store to get pick him up a present. She proceeded to touch everything in the store and make wholly unnecessary comments all the while.

She tried the guitar straps on as belts and made fun of the guitar string’s packaging.

She announced that camo shorts were for hunters and wanted to know when fat musicians decided that was the look for them.

There were remarks about the other patrons and their hair.

And then she made a cardinal sin. Something one simply does not do while in a music shop populated by tattooed and long-haired guitarists.

She insulted Van Halen.

She did it while I was finishing up my transaction. We were standing at the counter and there was a display of VH CDs. She picked up one of the cases using her fingernails on the smallest corner of the plastic as if there was a disease she could catch simply by being in its proximity.

“Who needs to hear these songs ever again?” she asked. Obviously it was a rhetorical question. The dude holding my Hello Kitty credit card raised an eyebrow.

“You don’t like Van Halen?” he asked. I think he had a stake behind the counter to kill her with if her answer struck him the wrong way.

“David Lee Roth is yicky.” This is undisputed fact. DLR is very “yicky.” For the love of Perseus, the man is still trying to rock a pair of shirtless overalls and greasy, bleached hair. The man is 58 years old. Get some self respect, dude. Still, it’s not good form to mention this in the holy sanctuary of a guitar store. His people will not appreciate it.

Tattooed clerk narrowed his gaze. “What about old Van Halen.”

Ava perked up. “Oh yeah. Old Van Halen rocked.”

I audibly exhaled. I thought for sure we would be alright, escape unscathed, live to insult again another day.

But, no. She did it again while walking by the front of a giant display advertising the opportunity to win tickets to a Van Halen concert. She waved a dismissive hand at the sign.

“You like Van Halen?” the goofy guy stamping receipts at the front door asked. He didn’t wait for an answer before he told us excitedly, “You can win, you know!”

“If we win does that mean we don’t have to go?”

I’m not proud to tell you I made a break for the door. You know the Marines say, “No man left behind”. Well that’s not the case with the Sisters. If you do something that stupid the other two are going to run. I got the car started and hoped she’d make it.

It could have been a lot worse. At least she didn’t tell the entire store how much she hates Stairway to Heaven.