Christmas came a little early to the Sisters this year. Specifically, it arrived today, November 25th, a full month ahead of the usual schedule. Sarah MacLean’s new book – Never Judge a Lady by Her Cover – hit the shelves. Ava rushed off to BnN to purchase it. For those of you following our saga, Ava had to go alone because the cruel world has separated the Sisters for the time being, but I digress. She was fully prepared for another mishap like the one Amy experienced purchasing Jennifer Ashley’s new book last month.

Feeling no remorse, Ava mowed down all of the shoppers between her and the Romance section. She searched high and she searched low and then she did it again. But NO – no new Sarah book. Why can’t BnN just put the god damn books out on the shelves so they can oh – I don’t know, sell god books so they can stay in business?!

Ava headed for the customer service counter. Ava’s children ran and hid. Cowards.

“May I help you?” Ava was asked by “Bee”. Ava hoped she could, it would be sad to die right before Thanksgiving and at such a young age. After getting the name spelled correctly, which Ava spelled twice, Bee announced the book had arrived that day and should be in the back.

“Listen, Bee, don’t come out of the back until you find it. Seriously. I can’t be responsible for my actions if you do. Better you be the star of our blog tonight instead of a number in the emergency room waiting area.”

Mere minutes later, Bee triumphantly arrived from the back stock room – book in hand. Ava cried. Bee cried. Her relief must have been immense. Ava’s was.

Anyhoo, Ava made the boy drive home so she could sit in the back of the car and read. Who says the holidays aren’t the happiest time of the year?

Holy crap! Thanksgiving is this week! Did you people know this? How the hell did Thanksgiving just creep up on us like that? How? Our usual recollection is that November arrived all loud and ferocious, but maybe that’s December. Whatever it is, we think this whole thing is suspicious. You never want people to know they caught you unaware. It sets a bad precedent. We suggest you “look” prepared. Here’s an easy suggestion. We especially like his contemplative and careful application of the feathers.

Afterwards, have a margarita. It’s all going to be alright.

On Saturday my 11-year-old daughter sorta went skydiving.

Her brother, father and I went to a pawn shop to buy explosives. As far as you know, that’s totally legal. Gotta love Arizona.

So everything is normal here at the Bright Compound.

ALSO – we’re thrilled to offer you a free book! YES! FREE!

In conjunction with a bunch of fabulous historical romance writers we put together a wonderful free collection of excerpts to help you find your next favorite author.

If you aren’t familiar with historicals or if you already love them but would like some suggestions, follow THIS LINK and pick up your free book.

Tell your friends!

Visit the Historical Romance Network for more freebies to come!

We’re sitting in our new office. It’s our favorite café. We’re not going to be able to afford this for very long. It’s a shame really, since the life of leisure really fits our temperament. Also, it’s possible that we’re freaking out a little bit. Or a lot. Honestly we don’t know what we’re feeling. Essentially, we’re really confused. But at least we’re not angry or hungry. We think. Oh hell, we don’t know. Maybe we’re angry. Maybe we’re just waiting for the right moment to explode. Downtrodden. That’s what we are. So we’re trying to laugh at funny stuff. Here, see what you think.

1. Frog juice. Here’s something that we’re not willing to try. Apparently zillions of Peruvians swear by it. (Apparently, Peru breeds crazies like no body’s business.) Here’s the deal – the barista grabs a frog from an aquarium, whacks it’s head on the counter top until it’s dead (can you say PETA?), throws it in a blender with carrots, maca root, and honey and you drink it. Yea, right. By the way, there is no scientific evidence this helps with anemia, bronchitis, fatigue, etc that it’s reported to be good for. Amylynn thanks the gods it doesn’t help with weight loss because she always caves when Ava is on to new fat cure.

2. It’s for medicinal purposes. Some people in Washington state and the heirs of Bob Marley have come to terms on a deal to grow and sell pot inspired by the reggae singer. They also plan weed-infused lotions, creams, and various accessories. We find this super interesting. One of our schemes for making money after the layoff was growing pot in a warehouse we have access to. We feel that we could be a certified grower. We also like lotion.  Do you all see how we’re the people for you? Who else likes money AND lotion? Well, maybe lots of people, but none of them ALSO like various accessories.

3. The Bride of Frankenstein. Oh, dear. This story turned our hair more gray than it already is. It seems Charles Manson is set to marry. Charles Manson and marriage – there’s some words we bet you never thought you’d see in one sentence. The happy couple met when the girl was 16. At first we thought – Where the hell are her people? But then we thought – Where the hell are his people? Where the hell are anyone’s people to stop this nonsense? They will never have conjugal visits so we don’t know what the point is for either

Perhaps you just stay drunk?

them. Thank god, cause ICK! Not only is it Charles Manson but he’s 80-years old. **Shiver** We smell a book deal in here somewhere. Gives a whole new meaning to Helter Skelter.

4. Thank Zeus we live in the desert. We watch with horrified fascination the news reports about the snow in Buffalo, NY. Our mouths hang open at the pictures of people opening their front doors to a wall of snow. Or the snow actually caving in their windows and doors. One of our favorites shows a path carved out of the snow with a direct line to the convenience store. We certainly hope these people have enough reading material to tide them over. That’s a recipe for tragedy right there: The Sisters trapped ANYWHERE with no reading material. Bad news bears.

5. We’re moving. We found out the house that inspired Jane Austen to write Pride and Prejudice, and the one she modeled Pemberley after, has gone up for sale for $11 million dollars. It has at least 365 rooms and five miles of corridors. It’s so vast the story goes that guests were given confetti to mark the path from their bedroom to the dining room so they could find their way back. $11 million sounds like a steal, yeah? Apparently, there are also about $41 million in repairs. Our husbands are handy so we think we could drastically reduce that amount down to a manageable figure. Say $38 million, or so. We figure if things get too loud with the workers, we’d just get lost in the house for a week or so.

Today was our first day of unemployment. So what the hell are we to do with ourselves? All alone? Without a posse?

I got up and took a shower like every other day. Everyone was thankful. Then Ava and I had the following exchange

Sometimes, operating under delusions can be helpful.

Then I took the kids to school and did a few errands. Starbucks was next. I drank two cups of coffee and wrote 5 pages on my current work in progress. During that time, I lamented to Ava that writing historicals can be very frustrating. I spent a great deal of time trying to find out some specific information about a steamship that is impossible to locate. I’m going to end up making these “facts” up and that freaks me out.

So I took a nap.

What I should have been doing is this.

 Somewhere under this disaster is my home desk. This is where everything in the house goes to die. When I cleared out my office at Bank of No Forks all the boxes and bags ended up here as well.

I’ll get to it this weekend.

Or next week.

Maybe.

Are you stressed out? Seems that everyone is. The doctors prescribe the following therapy. Unless you’re like the Sister’s brother and you’re entire head would swell up because you’re so allergic. That’s a tragedy. Not the head swelling, the allergy. Although, we suppose having a medically swollen head would seriously suck. We can’t imagine not being able to enjoy something like this.

We had no idea the man power involved in moving out of our office after five years. We needed thirteen boxes, eighty-two trips to the car, and a nap. Unbelievably, we had a giant panda, a camel, and a hot tub. The hot tub was really a large coffee mug.

The whole experience has been sad. SAD. It’s hard to find people you like to work with and damn near inconceivable to find people you LOVE working with but that’s what we had. See – SAD.

The search is on for new employment for seven folks. Don’t you want to be a fly on the wall for that interview?

Interviewer: What would you say your best characteristic is?

Us: Togetherness!

Interviewer: Do you have transportation?

Us: Yes, there are seven of us, we take the bus!

Interviewer: Do you take direction well?

Us: Well . . . not from you but we will consider it from each other.

Interviewer: Do you have any questions for me?

Us: Yes, what time is breakfast and second breakfast? Where do we meet to puzzle? Where is the TV? And who pays for the Netflix subscription?

On Saturday the kids and I were watching Ferris Bueller on Netflix while My Honey was recording in his home studio. My kids thought Ferris was just as brilliant as we all did when we were young. I warned them that they needn’t try any of that nonsense with me since I was hip to all the teenage shenanigans.

Then my cell phone rang. NO CALLER ID. Hmmm, I thought. Weird.

“Hello?”

“Did you order orange chicken?” It was a kid’s voice with a really bad accent.

I sighed and hung up.

It rang again almost immediately. NO CALLER ID.

“Yeah?” I said.

“We here with your orange chicken.” Same voice. Same atrocious accent.

I hung up. I told Sassy some of her friends were calling.

Third time. Ring. NO CALLER ID.

The kid voice yelled this time. “Your orange chicken is so cold!”

“Ok, I’m done now.” I told the voice and hung up.

Almost immediately the phone rang again. This time, it had a phone number. Sassy answered thinking she could see which of her friends was harassing us.

Turns out it was my nephew. He was spending the weekend with friends and they wanted to try crank calling people. He called the last time to make sure I wasn’t mad. How could I be mad? Think of all the horrible things thirteen-year-old boys could be doing on a Saturday night instead of crank calling their aunt.

I hope I get crank calls for many years to come.

The Bandit is nine-years-old. His primary interests these days are tattling on his sister and swearing. Technically, he’s not allowed to swear, but he’s very interested in pushing the envelope. He was very excited when he was authorized use of the word “hell” when referring to the television show Hell’s Kitchen. Also, when the word “crap” was permitted.

There is a serious double standard going on at the Bright house about cursing. He and his sister are not allowed to do it, but their father and I are experts.

I inform them all the time that life isn’t fair and they should get used to it.

The boy and I were watching the Concert for Valor on HBO and Eminem came on. He strutted around and did his thing. I’ll admit that many times I have no idea what the hell he’s rapping about. His lyrics are indistinct, muffled, mumbling, and slurred. All except for the swear words.

A crystal clear “fucker” wafted across the living room to the beat of rap music.

I looked at the boy. The boy looked at me. His eyebrows rose as if to say, “Hey, listen to that. I feel that word should be permissible since it’s in a song. If I learn the words to that song, I can sing it, right?”

I shook my head in the negative. His eyebrows went back down. No words were spoken. He didn’t even fight with me about it since he knew that was a long shot. Still, I wouldn’t have respected him if he hadn’t given it a shot.

And the negotiations continue.

We’d like to announce the end of an era. Drum roll, please. It’s official – we will be laid off after five years of slavitude at Bank of No Forks. We have to admit, we wont miss the job, but we will miss the paycheck and insurance. And our camaraderie. Oh dear God, we’re never going to stop moping over this. You know how people who are stressed out eat a lot? We’re eating all the food. All the food by Wednesday. It’s hard to swallow white cake with white frosting and sob at the same time. Things get very messy very quickly. Fortunately, we’re still laughing. Here you laugh, too, and we’ll all feel better.

1. An employment idea. The Sisters are definitely being laid off. As of next week we will be completely unsupervised. Yes, you should be afraid. We’ve been trying to figure out what to do with ourselves. There was a article in the newspaper that gave us pause. Oakland, California has the first “permanent feline-friendly coffee shop” called Cat Town Café and Adoption. What this means is that you can drink your expensive espresso and pet a kitty. Who doesn’t want to pet a kitty? They’re wrong. Kitties rock. A little cat hair never hurt anyone. I’d like a double shot mochaccino and a calico please.

2. Another example of the AP missing the boat. In Longmont, Colorado the fire department had to rescue a man trapped between two walls in a Marshalls department store. The employees had been hearing random yelling for several days but couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. They had to use a saw to cut a big enough hole in the side of the building to get him out. You already have a question, don’t you? We’ll bet you want to know what the hell he was doing between two walls in a store. You’re never going to find out because the

Apparently, this is unsafe in Alaska.

AP reporter didn’t figure that was important information for the general public. Honest to Zeus, reading the newspaper is so frustrating.

3. Going commando? Kodiak, Alaska is having a rash of underwear theft. Someone is breaking into homes and stealing “mostly women’s underwear”. We really like the “mostly” comment. It causes all kinds of speculation. Has any men’s underwear been stolen? Children? Are any other articles of clothing going missing? Bras too or just underwear? Would a slip or spanx be considered underwear? Where does the thief draw the line? Is this a solid line or a wavy one? Maybe a dashed line? Who do the authorities consider a suspect? Would a bear be on

Seriously, that’s a tiger

the list? Bears are sneaky, just sayin’. Troopers refuse to release details since it’s an ongoing investigation. Sadly, this just leaves us with more questions than answers.

4. The Sisters were never in Paris. EuroDisney, the operators of Disneyland Paris, are making it very, very clear that there are no tigers in their theme parks. Why? you ask. Because there is a very strong rumor that a young tiger is on the prowl near the park. The Parc des Felins, a wild cat animal park insists that none of their cats is missing.  The authorities are beginning to doubt whether there really is a tiger on the loose since it hasn’t been found. Here’s the deal, though, there’s a picture of the animal (And now a video – go here to see it). Our eyebrows are very high as we prepare to call shenanigans on that nonsense. Let it be known, we’d like a tiger. We’re checking into flights now. We’ve already packed our tiger nabbing kits.

5. Boy can he lean. As you all know, Jared Leto movies were taken out of rotation at the office. However, Ava, crafty woman that she is, insisted “My So Called Life” a TELEVISION show was allowed because it’s NOT a movie. The main character loves Jordan Catalano, as played by a young Jared Leto, due to his epic ability to “lean”. And boy can Jared Leto lean. See here for yourself.