It’s Sunday night. Normally I would be moaning the fact that tomorrow is Monday. But tonight that doesn’t mean anything to me. Bank of No Forks is closed on Monday for Columbus Day. Columbus himself might have been an idiot, but he did give us a work holiday so I’d shake his hand. But I wouldn’t smile at him. He did bring slavery and disease, so that was a problem.

So to recap, I don’t have to work Monday and I used Tuesday for a vacation day since I had to work Saturday. I don’t have to go back to the horrible place until Wednesday! G L O R I O U S!

Also, I have my sweet kitty back from the doctor. He had an absolutely awful Urinary Tract Infection. The veterinarian didn’t say so, but I think, based on how long he was in the hospital and such, I think my little orange maniac got very close to dying. The idea makes me feel more than a little panicky, I’ll tell you.

So now that he’s home, I’m watching him like a hawk. Every time he pees I’m there to watch. He’s going to have a complex by the end of the week. He’s definitely feeling better. His first couple of days home he was still feeling a bit peaked, but today he’s almost back to his old self. He hasn’t drowned any toys yet, but I’m sure that’s coming in the next couple of days.

Also, in a bizarre non sequitor, The Walking Dead was on tonight. I freaking love that show.

Is the week over yet? Is it just us or was that the longest week eeeevvvveeerrrrrr? Maybe it was that the Sisters beloved Kitty was at the vet hospital for seven days? Or maybe it was because the Bank of No Forks was especially tedious due to us learning something we didn’t know about our sick time. No, not that we’re sick of BofNF. Perhaps it was because we are dying for The Walking Dead to start on Sunday?

Who the heck knows, we sure don’t, but here’s some stuff that amused us even while we were counting the seconds go by . . .

1. Neiman Marcus Fantasy Catalogue. The Sisters hemmed and hawed over this. Should we go for the Astin Martin or the diamonds? Honestly, it was a really hard decision. Ultimately, we decided we liked cars an awful lot but we LOVE diamonds. We’re super excited about the trip. We’ve decided to travel in March because nothing much is going on then. You can rest easy that we’ll keep you updated on every bit of our trip. Surely there’ll be trouble

while we’re getting our private tour of the Crown Jewels in the Tower of London. Can you imagine there won’t be? We fully expect to come home from Africa with our 25 carat diamond and something fuzzy.

2. Chickens. Here we call them hens. Either way, French ladies don’t like it. During a session of the French legislature, a member was fined a quarter of his monthly salary for clucking at another member while she was giving speech. Apparently, Veronique Massonneau took umbrage at the rude behavior insisting, “That’s enough… I’m not a chicken!” With all this news about our own government embarrassing us on an international level, it’s nice to see

that other countrys have to deal with jackasses too.

3. The next generation. Recently we brought the beautiful child of Clint Eastwood to your attention. We’ve recently discovered another cutie we’d like you to note. We introduce to you, Steven R. McQueen, the grandson of the first Steve McQueen. He’s very adorable as a character on The Vampire Diaries. Ava and The-Girl-Who-Lives-At-Her-House have just started watching the series and they’re smitten. We think it’s fun to see the Hollywood royalty in round two or three. We don’t think he looks too much like his grandfather. We think they should stick him in a Mustang

in San Francisco and see what happens.

4. Veterinarians. We love veterinarians. They are very nice to our fuzzy sons and daughters. We finally got Jojo back from the doctor after six days and 638.00. HOLY SHIT! If you’re with the IRS you should look away right now. We’re working out a way for that to come off the Quill Sisters tax return. A business expense perhaps?

If you have any ideas about this, post a helpful comment.

5.Norman Reedus. We’ve nearly gotten ourselves wound up to a fever pitch over the return of the Walking Dead. Our favorite character, Daryl Dixon, is played by the delicious Norman Reedus. He told US Magazine 25 Things We Don’t Know About Him. He didn’t bother to tell us his home address, which would have been nice. Instead he told us his favorite food is macaroni and cheese or chocolate. His favorite number when he was a kid was #3 because, when laid on its side looked like boobs, and his favorite thing to do is lie down. US TOO – with him! We’re certain we’re perfect for him. DUDE! Give us a call.

So there are a couple of phobias I have. Spiders (shiver) are absolutely terrifying from the smallest to the biggest, hairiest one that ever crawled up from the sludge of hell. I will not ride a Ferris Wheel. I don’t care if it’s the smallest one in a kiddie park to that giant Wheel of Death in London. I’m not getting on it and you can’t make me.

And dentists.

On a scale of one to ten I’d give spiders an eleven. Ferris Wheels get a ten. Dentists are at about an eight.

I can deal with a cleaning. I’m not thrilled with it, but I’ll go. I start to get a little more freaked out over the x-rays. Putting that pokey cardboard in my mouth revs up my cortisol levels. Fillings. I don’t even want to THINK about fillings.

I had my six-month cleaning this week. They gave me a reminder call on Monday. It was in my calendar but I’d forgotten all about it. Who the hell remembers something torturous for six months? Not me, I assure you.

So I wake up the morning of my appointment and my anxiety skyrocketed. I went to work for an hour. I kept thinking to myself that I needed to get all my work done in case I died at the dentist’s office. I left for the appointment like a dog headed to the pound to be put down. I forced myself up the stairs and into the office so the perfectly nice girl at the counter could check me in for my appointment with the excessively charming Nazi agent could clean my teeth.

“What’s your name again?” the receptionist asked.

“Bright. Spelled just like you think,” I replied. I resisted the urge to say international selling author.

She kept staring at the computer and then all of a sudden it dawned on me.

It was Wednesday. My appointment is Thursday.

I’m a total idiot and now I have to go through all that torture again.

Absolute moron.

Can you believe that nonsense is still happening in Washington? Us neither. It’s great fodder for making fun, though. So what do you think we should do?

Jojo Kitty is still in the hospital. It’s just awful. They assure us he’s doing better, but he couldn’t come home today. Maybe not tomorrow either. Ava and I went on Monday at lunch and gave him smooches. He looked miserable. I’m miserable. Four days without my kitty. The guilt is killing me.

Enjoy this video by the genius of Simon’s Cat, but do know that if that squeaky toy were Joe’s he’d have drowned it in the water bowl already.

As you are all aware, the Sisters live in the desert. It’s hot here and sunny. Very sunny. Which causes us to put dark screens on all of our windows. You actual forget they’re there until you take them all down to paint your house. Then, the fact that the sun is a ball of fire is driven home to you in the most uncomfortable way. The Sisters don’t like the sun, we don’t like it to touch us, and therefore, we don’t like to be reminded that it exists.

I finally got to sleep in on Sunday morning. I was hoping to sleep until at least 9ish. That dream was interrupted by the most obnoxious occurrence ever – the sun rising and shining in my bathroom.

Me to Ed: “What the hell is that?!”

Ed: (Mumbling because he was sort of asleep.) “What the hell is what?!”

Me: “That light!”

Ed: “You mean the SUN?”

Me: “There is no way all that light is coming from the sun. Ra the sun god must be in our bathroom. You need to go in there and tell him to leave.”

Ed: (Deep sigh.) “You’re crazy. Ra is not in our bathroom. Go back to sleep for Ra’s sake, it’s barely 6 o’clock!”

At this point, Ed throws himself out of bed and shuts the bathroom door. A bit loudly, if you ask me.

Me: “Now was that so hard? I’ll bet you’ll think twice the next time you decide to remove the anti-Egyptian god barriers from the windows.”

Ed: “They’re called screens, Ava. Screens. Now go back to sleep before Cerberus arrives. I took down the anti-River Styx barrier, which normal people call a gate, from the side of the house to paint the wall.

Honestly, I don’t think a painted house is worth it, do you? But then again if it gets me a new dog…

Poor Jojo Kitty. On Friday night I realized that Mr. Kittywiggles wasn’t feeling well. It’s hard to tell with a cat – they’re so weird to begin with. But he was definitely exhibiting signs of distress and by the time My Honey got home from band practice, Jojo was growling and moaning.

Of course, I went on the internet and had him diagnosed immediately. Turns out I was wrong.

Doesn’t matter, I was planning on taking him to the vet anyway. I stayed up with him all night Friday. We were both miserable. Him because he was ill. Me because I couldn’t make him feel better. My poor fuzzy boy.

I called the kitty doctor three minutes after they opened the clinic and arrived eight minutes later, fuzzy son in tow.

They kept him over the weekend. I’ve had reports from the doctor that he took his treatment well, and they think he’ll be alright with no long-term damage.

But I miss him terribly. I have a feeling that the other cat in the house, Geddy, is happy to have some undisturbed sleep.

Hopefully I get him back tomorrow. At the very least, I’ll have to go to the hospital and kiss his belly.

I can’t even imagine how lonely he must be. All alone in that hospital. With no Momma to smother his belly with kisses.

Do you know what you’re going to be for Halloween yet? Us neither, but that hasn’t stopped the 10-year-old girl, Sassy, from asking us every ten minutes. We do enjoy going to the Halloween stores and trying stuff on and squealing at the scary stuff and generally making nuisances of ourselves. Sadly, the more we pay attention to this trend, that seems to be a hallmark of our visit to a retail establishment. We become nuisances. Perhaps we’re practicing for old age. Who knows. Everybody needs a hobby, that’s what we say. Another hobby is finding funny stuff. Here you go.

1. Weak pop stars. Justin Bieber is in China. Apparently he visited the Great Wall. We’d say he climbed the Great Wall, only he didn’t. He had his body guards carry him up there. Now, just like us, we’ll bet your initial reaction was to be appalled by the ridiculousness of that. Hold on, though. That just may be the most brilliant to way to visit any landmark. Find a big guy and climb on his shoulders and demand that he carry you up 739 flights of stairs to the top of the Eiffel Tower or Statue of Liberty. We’re going to try it. We’ll report back. Or you’ll see it on the news. Either way…

2. Good words. Our word of the week is COGNOSCENTI. It means being in the know on a certain subject. Like we’re sure there are people out there who are cognoscenti on Obama Care or the situation in Syria. We don’t know who they are, and we don’t necessarily want to speak with them because we’re certain they’re boring. What the Sisters are cognoscenti on is cake. We know where to find it, how much it costs, what flavor

to get. If you have cake questions, we’re your gals. We’re cognoscenti. Check with someone else on that other stuff.

3. JAR. If you’re not cognoscenti on the best jewelry, then we’ll introduce you to Joel Arthur Rosenthal. The man is a genius about gem stones and how to put them together to make the most gorgeous brooches, rings and earrings you’ve ever seen. Don’t touch it because you can’t afford it. We assure you. Still, who would have thought that asparagus or pomegranate could be so breathtakingly beautiful. JAR said the most brilliant thing ever and we think we may make it our new life philosophy: “It’s very practical to be considered a monster because people leave you alone. Brilliant.

4. Space. NBC has teamed up with Richard Branson and Virgin Galactic to create a reality show wherein the winner receives a trip to outer space. While we’re not even a little bit interested in winning this ourselves, we are interested in sending several people we know to space. As soon as we locate the proper website, we’re going to start filling out applications for people by proxy. Let us know when you hear from them, won’t you?

5.Abs. For every woman who’s seen a picture of one of the young male celebrities these days and wondered aloud, “When did they start making boys with those muscles?” we present to you a gratuitous photo of a young Paul Newman. Lovely.

Today was a good day. The first NHL game was tonight and, as I write this, my team is winning. The Big Bang Theory was hysterical as usual and Project Runway is on tonight and it’s the avant-garde challenge.

AND I played hookey from work. Don’t you ever have those mornings when you’re just like, “Yeah, it’s not happening today.”

Instead, I managed to write an entire chapter. NIIIIIICE.

I also had the opportunity to notice just how many very weird people we have in this town.

There was the girl in Starbucks this morning who sang so loud to her iPod that the barista had to ask her to quiet down.

There was the ancient old man who attached himself to me at The Church who carried around 75,000 keys on the biggest key ring you’ve ever seen in your entire life. He was like a Janitor Extraordinaire.

There was a man at a stop light with his finger so far up his nose I almost couldn’t see his elbow. Why can’t we look away from that? Honestly. I have no idea why that’s so disgustingly fascinating.

I can’t believe I got as much writing done as I did with all that people watching.

I have to go back to work tomorrow and that totally blows, but it’s Friday so at least there’s that.