NEW RELEASES
Friday blog hop
On Friday I’m appearing at Kadee McDonald’s blog.
We had a fun chat and we got a little drunk.
Head over – I’m giving away free copies of the book – ebook or paper – Winner’s choice.
Besides, what else do you have to do?
It’s like watching TV with my dad.
I’ve recently become intimately involved with a BBC show, Orphan Black. Really, this is the the fault of the son of a friend of mine. He said I should watch it, it’s really good. He knows my type of show, and so I took his advice to heart. I found the show and last Saturday, when they were running the entire season back-to-back, I DVRed them.
So now I’ve been watching them late into the night – like until 2:30 in the damn morning, three or four at a time.
I only have two left and I really need to get some writing done, so I stupidly turned the second to last one on while Sassy was still awake.
She wandered into the living room. I paused the show.
“Do not ask me questions,” I warned her. “I’m not answering ANY questions.”
“Jeez.” She threw herself on the couch next to me. “I won’t ask anything.”
I looked at her skeptically but turned the show back on.
“Who’s that?” It took less than 20 seconds for the first question.
“Be quiet.”
“What’s wrong with that girl?”
I huffed out a sigh, but answered quickly so I wouldn’t miss anything. “She got hit by a car.”
“Why?”
With a great deal of ceremony I paused the show again. “What the hell do you mean, ‘why?’ She got hit by a car.”
“Yeah, but why?” I don’t see irony expressed on her face.
I helpfully point down the hall. “Go do something else.”
“No, I’ll be quiet.”
I restarted the show. Important stuff is happening and I’m seriously paying attention.
“Is that a good guy or a bad guy.” Fifteen seconds and counting. I knew it wouldn’t last.
“I don’t know. That’s why I have to pay attention. Be quiet.”
“Oh. How bout that guy? Is he a good guy?”
“SASSY! I’m not explaining this whole show to you. Go do something else.”
She never did leave. She peppered me with a hundred more questions.
Eventually I shot the television in frustration. I’d like it noted to the Nobel committee that I did not strangle the child.
If I beg will you come?
First and foremost
I have a signing.
MOSTLY BOOKS on Saturday 6/8. Mostly Books is at Speedway and Wilmot in the Bookman’s shopping center in Tucson, AZ. I’ll be there from 2:30 – 3:30 and there’ll be copies of both books available for purchase and signing. If you’re in Tucson, I really hope to see you. Otherwise, I’ll be the lonely author sitting at the table pretending like I’m having fun.
Next thing.
They’ve taken away our office cat again. There is a tremendous amount of tears and whining involved. You’d think we’d put on our big girl panties and get over it, but no.
So now we’re considering a hamster. Seriously. A hamster. I vetoed a ferret because they smell. The smell is more than I am willing to put up with even for the cuteness factor.
But a hamster…
How big a fan are you?
Misappropriated funds
The Bandit is in love with my iPad. I won’t allow him to buy games to play on it, but I will let him have the free games.
Hahahahaahaha. Free games. That’s freaking funny.
He’s always trying to manipulate me into paying for add-ons to the games. I refuse. The boy has 57 different electronic gaming systems and he doesn’t need me to pay for another one. That all seems reasonable to you, doesn’t it?
Then he tries to trick me into divulging my Apple ID so he can just take care of things. Clearly, he thinks I am an idiot.
On Sunday morning I opened my email to find a receipt from iTunes. I was perplexed. I’d purchased nothing so I opened the email to investigate. If you heard outraged shrieking on Sunday it was when I found this.
I have no idea how the boy spent 78.53 on a free video game. When asked what this was for, I was told it was for a gun for his hunting game. I told him for 64.99 a real freaking gun had better show up on our front porch.
I emailed Apple right away with an appeal for a refund. I assured them it would never happen again and that the boy had been disciplined accordingly as I’m sure you can imagine. I haven’t heard back from them yet, but I’m hopeful.
So I was telling my sister-in-law this story while we were floating around in the pool this weekend sipping sangria. She was making every effort not to laugh and failing miserably. I agreed that it would be a hysterical story were it happening to someone else. So she told me a story of her own.
Her nephew-in-law graduated from high school so she and her husband sent him $100 with a congratulations card. About a week later he called to thank them for their generosity and told them what he spent their money on. They were thinking it would be something electronic or perhaps put it towards a graduation trip or something along those lines.
Nope. He was very excited to tell them he used the gift money to buy a medical marijuana card.
Of course he did.
A twist on the regular old interview
So I’m a guest on Susana’s Parlor Monday. This one was really fun. If you’ve read my books, then you’ll really enjoy this. I did a version of
an 1812 People magazine interview with Lady Penelope and Christian, Lord Morewether, during Lord Dalton’s and Miss Goldsleigh’s wedding.
And if you’ve not bought my books, perhaps this will cause you to do so.
Honestly, it was way more fun than I thought it would be.
Go read it.
May 31
Another week down and we’re that much closer to retirement. Or if not retirement then death. Does that sound fatalistic? All we know is that work is awful and we’d rather be writing in a Starbucks and watching the freaks. Or shopping. Sassy asked her father the other day what he would do if the zombies came. He said the typical things but then interjected that Amylynn would be raiding Tiffany’s. Amylynn mentioned that Ava 
would be liberating zoo animals. We figure as long as we have a plan, it will all work out. The following things were giggle worthy this week.
1. Giant pink slugs. We’re not especially fond of slugs – Australian or otherwise. Who is? Still, this new development makes us wonder, what the hell is going on with the Australian wildlife? Regardless, what we do like about the slugs is that they’re pink. Well, not really pink. They’re more PIIIINK. Why in Zeus’s name would there be a slug this color? They’re also really big – like 8 inches. If you’re not sure how big that is, ask a guy. He’ll tell you that is gigantic. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA. We crack ourselves up. Anyway, if you go up on the mountain where they live at the right time of morning, you’ll see hundreds of them. We’ll bet if you’re not expecting them you’ll
Oh Hell no!
assume you’re having an acid flashback or something. In order to complete their look – we think we should round up some adventurous Australians and send them up the mountain with sequins. Giant pink bedazzled slugs. Sounds like a punk band.
2. Bugs for dinner. The UN is suggesting that eating bugs will solve the world food crisis. We don’t think so and neither does Stephen Colbert of The Colbert Report. He refuses to eat bugs. He won’t even eat gummy worms. “I use them to catch Swedish Fish,” he said. Right on. We’ve been seriously turned off of eating bugs since the 2008 Olympics when they did that horrifying story about the Chinese marketplace where you could buy tarantulas and scorpions on a stick. We had great plans for China, but now… We’ve revised the Great Panda Liberation plan to include giant suitcases of granola bars.
We don’t really like granola bars either, but at least they have the appropriate number of legs at zero.
3. Sick days. Especially when you’re not sick. There’s something so fine about playing hooky. The Sisters hardly ever do it, but sometimes you just need a mental health day. Bank of No Forks can make a thinking person insane and sometimes you just need to reset your equilibrium in a way that a weekend doesn’t. Weekends are full of loud kids and house work and errands. A “sick
OH COME ON!
day” spent at Starbucks while you plan your escape from 9-5 drudgery makes it all better. Even more delightful is when you can do that with a friend.
4. Slothified. We found a story that got our panties all in a twist. We’re living in the wrong part of the world. That’s for damn sure. Apparently, we need to move to Suriname. Where the hell is Suriname, you ask? Its a country in Northern South America over by Brazil, and apparently it’s one of the greenest county on the planet – not in terms of recycling, but in jungle-y sort of vegetation. Still there is deforestation. There is a lady there who runs Green Heritage Fund Suriname and she received a call that some sloths were in danger in an area being developed. She went out there and returned with 200 sloths – many of them such small babies they needed to be fed with
eyedroppers. She had them every where in her home – hanging from plants, the drapes, sleeping in china bowls. The first thing you thought of was the poop situation, wasn’t it? We’ll admit that occurred to us as well, but it didn’t deter us. We want our share of baby sloths. We’re checking into the retirement plans for Suriname.
5. Racy Medieval Poems. A long lost collection of French poems from the 13th and 14th centuries has been newly translated and will be available June 10th. The 69 poems making up the fabliaux, are described as naughty, racy, and ribald and are rife with cuckolded husbands, randy priests, lusty women and a penchant for poop humor. These are the kinds of poems that, at the time, would have influenced Chaucer and his eyeopening Canterbury Tales. What’s fun about these poems – besides the titles such as The Peekaboo Priest – is that they certainly shed some light on the preconceived notion that the church was in control of everything. And that human beings have always appreciated raunchy humor. Otherwise there is no explanation for Benny Hill, Caddyshack, or Animal House.
Not great expectations
Sometimes, just when you think you have this parenting thing down, one of your children will make sure you snap out of that nonsense right away.
Me – talking to the boy: Allergies are going to be bad again today. My hair spray nozzle is clogged.
Boy: Ok, I’ll make sure I take some allergy stuff.
Me: I’ll grab you one when I get mine. Do you have a preference? (None of the allergy medication we have actually works, but we take it to make the person who it bought happy – Ed.)
Boy: No preference. Whichever you want.
Isn’t that a pretty pollen?
Girl, whom NO ONE was talking to because she doesn’t have allergies: What did you say about hairspray?
Me: The nozzle is clogged, allergies are going to be bad today.
Girl: You think you’re allergies are going to be bad because your hair spray nozzle is clogged? (EYE ROLL)
Me: Yes, that’s how it works. (I’m not going to explain my scientific methods to her because she’ll just ridicule me. I’m sure that’s how Galileo felt.)
Girl: How in the world am I supposed to grow up normal????????
That’s just it . . . she’s not going to grow up normal. I never thought she was, she’s mine. I have no idea why she thought it. Where does she get this stuff from? Maybe we need to cut back on watching TV because it seems to be giving her unrealistic expectations about her life . . .
If you’re ever in trouble…get out of jail free card
On the tails of International Tiara Day…
One of the top ten Best Days Ever.
Wow. I had a very exciting day.
First thing that happened – are you ready for it? I’ll bet you’re not really ready for it. Sit down first. I don’t want you to hurt yourself. Well, actually, you’re probably already sitting down cause you’re at the computer. Or maybe you’re on your phone.
Look at this – I’m so excited I’m babbling.
Julia Quinn linked to this blog from her Facebook page. CAN YOU FREAKING BELIEVE THAT? At the writing of this entry we’re only 19 people off from our busiest day ever in the history of this blog. We have no idea what the first busiest day was all about. Probably that time the FBI was investigating us about that panda business.
Then! I followed a tweet I was mentioned in only to discover this!
All this time I’ve been telling you people it was a gorgeous cover and now I have disinterested third party validation. Go to Romance Covers Reviews and see the rest of the competition. I’ve always loved those fab English people.
Thanks again to Jaycee DeLorenzo of Sweet ‘n Spicy Designs for her beautiful work.
I don’t know if I can handle it if tomorrow is just as exciting.