How’s your diet going?

My children made us play Monopoly. I hate this game. I never win and it takes way too long. It makes me surly.

I picked the Thimble and the game commenced. I could tell right off that things weren’t going to end well. I got seriously crappy properties – and managed only one monopoly – of Baltic and Mediterranean Avenue. Even with two houses, the one only earns $35 in rent. I was like a slum lord. Bandit wanted to know if Walter White or Jesse Pinkman lived in my houses. He’s never even seen those shows, but I guess word gets around.

Nevertheless, you can learn a lot about your family while playing this stupid game.

The Bandit Went Directly to Jail about 17 times. No joke. I don’t know what the story was with his recidivism, but I hope it’s not an omen of things to come.

Basically I held on to random single properties keeping others from fulfilling their destinies.

Sassy creates an earthquake every single time she throws the dice.

I firmly believe that if a person doesn’t notice you sitting on their property then you don’t have to pay rent. I think this is even written in the rules somewhere. I don’t care what you say, that’s how I roll. It can save you $600 on Oriental Avenue with a hotel. That alone can get you around another lap  to collect your Go money.

We didn’t finish the game the first night. We zip-locked our money and deeds into baggies and took a photo of the board. This is like my worst nightmare.

We didn’t finish the second night either, but we finally decided we’d had enough. The Bandit was broke and had given all of is property in lieu of rent. I’d had to set my crack houses on fire and collect the insurance money in order to survive the last round. Sassy and My Honey were in heated negotiations to trade some property and the Bandit and I weren’t the least bit interested.

We cashed out. Sassy came out victorious.

That might have had something to do with the fact that she was the banker. Maybe not. I’m merely speculating.

The Sisters have long been considering making our own religion. We’re happy to take your tithes and we plan lots of holy days that require days off work and school.

Cake will be a requirement.

Here’s our first commandment.

If you’re concerned about what may happen to your waist line if you convert, never fear. We’ve already researched this.

Don’t worry. We got this from a highly credible source – a Fact a Day desk calendar. This seems totally legit.

Things went pretty well for the Sisters this week. We didn’t quit work even once. Well, maybe once. But it was only for a few minutes. Otherwise, the week went well. We had some good meetings and saw a bunch of people we like. We started a diet, so that totally blew. Still all in all, things went well. We’ll probably do it all again next week. And that’s how you spend all your life at work. Now we’re totally depressed and we’re not allowed to eat cake. Sigh. Thank god there were these funny things.

1. Old-est friends. Amylynn’s oldest friends were in town this weekend from Alaska. Dear Kurt and Dear Janet brought their family for vacation. The Sisters met for lunch at our favorite sandwich shop and had an hour and a half of laughter and teasing. It’s really good to see the people who’ve loved you the longest and the best. We also went to see another old-est friend’s band play and we had a great time which required much recovery the next day since we closed down the bar. Travel home safely, dear friends.

2. Fuzzy statesman. We want you to meet Winston Churchill. He’s a Havipoo – 1/2 Havanese 1/2 poodle and all adorable. He weighs all of three pounds which is about 15 pounds smaller than Jojo Kitty. He belongs to Aunt Joni but he’s loved by all. Honestly, he looks like a Webkins and not at all real. We’re completely and totally in love with his wiggly little body.

3. Keeping people occupied. The Sister’s dad has a birthday coming up and he wanted a metal detector. He’s staying with Amylynn while the brother is out of town, so Amylynn hooked the old man up. It was due to arrive from Amazon on Friday and we’re pretty certain he sat on the front porch, waiting impatiently, all day. When she got home, she fully expected to find him with all the dogs out in the back yard looking for riches. Who knows. Maybe he’ll find Amelia Earhart’s plane back there. It would explain that they’ve been looking in the wrong place all this time.

4. Vinyl.  The last thing the Sisters need is to adopt yet another TV show.  Unfortunately, Ava is left alone far too often during robot season for her good and binge watched all 5 episodes by herself.  Now she insists Amy watch it because she has to have someone to talk to about it. Duh.  Here’s what you need to know – great music, great acting, great anti-hero played by Bobby Cannavale.  Also, the amazingly beautiful Olivia Wilde is in it and that’s always worth the price of admission.  Mick Jagger’s good

This is not our idea of protesting, but it’s funny

looking kid is in it – James Jagger – playing a thrash rocker and he can act, too.

5. Whatever it is, we’re against it. There was some protesting in our town this weekend. It caused some serious issues with the only highway we have but the Sisters weren’t going anywhere so that didn’t affect them.  They did go off on their own protests and wondered why no one from the media came out to their houses to cover the story.  In no particular protest order: doing the laundry for a bunch of ungrateful people, paying more than a buck fifty for gas (what the hell happened??!!), going to work everyday even though we’re sure we’re kidnapped princesses from Europe, people expecting us to behave like adults when we’re bored.  We need to pick a fight with Megyn Kelly so we can get some airtime.

Apparently, the entire world except the Sisters knew that Tom Hiddleston broke the internet again.

The Sisters were clueless because we’re crazy busy at work these days. We don’t like it much, either, but there you have it.

Well, thank God for our faithful readers. Otherwise, we might have gone the rest of our lives – at least until April.

For the rest of you who don’t know because you’re also living in a black hole, Tom has a new show coming up on AMC. It’s called The Night Manager and it’s a mini-series based off a John La Carre book. I set my DVR to record the series weeks ago, but I didn’t know that it was already airing in England.

The scene in question has the adorable Mr. Hiddleston having sex with a lucky woman against the wall of a hotel room.  There is a very clear shot of the Hiddleston tushie, pants hanging low.

This, my friends, is what broke the internet and can you blame it?

Bravo, Mr. and Mrs. Hiddleston, on the beautiful genetic casserole that became your son.

Also, a gracious and heartfelt thank you, Ki Pha, for making sure the Sisters are up on what’s really important. (She writes a fabulous book blog – go see.)

If you need to see the scene – and you’re NOT Amylynn’s 12-year-old daughter, Sassy – follow this jump.

Enjoy – except Sassy. You’re fine. Go watch some cat videos.

I’m pretty sure we had this on the blog before but it’s just so darn cute.

The Sisters had another great time at the Tucson Festival of Books. Honestly, as much as we love books, reading, and communing with our tribe, what we spent most of our time doing was squealing over various dogs that walked by.

We have very finely calibrated puppy-dar. Like radar but for canines.

We saw a guy walking a giant St. Bernard named Goliath and an adorable Scottie whose name is now escaping me. I nearly lost my mind over the big one. The little one just sat there and waggled furiously.

There were a million golden retrievers, and scads of gorgeous pit bulls, and so many beautiful German Shepherds. The poodles were all fancy and one or two collies took our breath away. One especially buoyant Labrador stole our hearts when he had the time of his life frolicking away with his very own leash.

But I keep coming back to this fellow.

He ruled the festival. The boy had his very own stroller. Does he have his people under control, or what?

The Sisters are so excited about the Tucson Festival of Books. The event starts tomorrow and runs all weekend. We’ve got all the books packed and the giveaways are tucked in boxes. We’ve stalked the weather channel and things look good there – not too hot, not too cold. No precipitation expected. Breezy. Thing sound ideal. We’re hoping for an epic turn out. We’ve been really busy with all this planning, but we still found time to

locate some funny stuff to share. Here you go.

1. You can’t say they aren’t dedicated. The police in Norway seem like a very sensitive group. They found a wee goldfish swimming around in a jelly jar. Said jelly jar was located in a seat in the Nordlandshall Indoor soccer stadium. The officers couldn’t find the owner of the fishy so they took it back to the police station where they kept up the search. You read that correctly. They’re searching for the owner of an abandon  goldfish. Wonder to what lengths they’d go to for a dog or cat.

2. Heavy pockets. A man in Birmingham, Alabama has agreed to plead guilty to stealing $196,000 in quarters. It seems this happened while he was an employee at Brink’s Co, the armored car people. The story doesn’t say if this was over several years or one giant coin heist. That’s because the reporters never ask the important questions. Like what did he do with all those quarters. Did he buy his groceries from vending machines? Was he famous around town as the coin guy? Like when he showed up at the bar after work, did he buy all the rounds with change? Is he that guy that takes for ever in line in front of you because he’s counting out all those damn coins. I think I hate that guy.

3. Completely incognito. The Redding, California police conducted a high-speed chase this week in excess of 100 miles an hour with a woman driving a mini-van painted to look like the Mystery Machine from the Scooby-Doo cartoons. The woman was wanted for probation violations before the chase took place.

Wearing the Sorting Hat!

Apparently, she’s not interested in going back to jail. We can’t blame her. Not when she’s got such a sweet ride like that on the outside. We just don’t know how they’ll ever find that sneaky van again. Maybe they should call the cops in Norway.

4. We love cake! Amylynn just happens to be re-reading the Harry Potter series on tape during her drive to and from work every day. The Sisters are huge fans of JK Rowling and the series. We’re always impressed by Ms. Rowling through all her social media interactions. This past week, the library in Orkney Scotland invited her via Twitter to attend their book club where they were planning to discuss on of her Robert Galbraith’s books. A witty banter via tweet ensued. They enticed her with lemon cake. The whole thing was a silly dream of the librarian’s. Imagine how incredibly shocked he was when he looked out the window and Ms. Rowling was in the parking lot. Apparently, she chartered a plane and flew over there. Oh, Ms. Rowling. The Sister’s really, really love cake and , oh, the bakeries we could show you!

5. After a long, long week. To kick off the festival, our chapter of Romance Writers of America always has a dinner at one of our famous local steakhouses and invite the out-of-town authors. We got there early and took chairs at the bar. These are the drinks we had and we deserved every single drop. Even if Amylynn is allergic.