NEW RELEASES
January 27
It’s Girl Scout Cookie time. Ava wants to start a diet tomorrow. Shocking! we know. The rest of us don’t know how successful that will be with Amylynn running around with cute, tasty boxes of calories. We just shrug. Ok, Ava, go right ahead. Here can you hold this sleeve of Thin Mints. Hey! Where are my Thin Mints? So here’s our week in the gag reel.
- Barak. As a president, Barak’s reign has been frustrating and a letdown, but it can’t be said that the man himself is ever boring or less than charming. That fact was never more evident than this past week. Example number one occurred when he went to Disney World for a press conference and remarked how happy he was to meet Mickey Mouse. Said the president, “Nice to meet a world leader who has bigger ears than me!” The Sisters love a man who can poke fun at himself. We do it all the time – not make fun of Barak, but of ourselves. Example number two had Mr. President at the Apollo Theater for another speaking engagement where he wowed the crowd with a pretty decent, if shy and a bit timid, version of Al Green’s Let Stay Together. Charming we say. Charming.
- Obama. Our buffoon of a governor, Jan Brewer, made national news – again – by looking like a crazy idiot – again.
When looking at this picture, however, the Sisters can’t help but want to add dialogue. Jan – Blah blah blah blah I’m spouting delusional crazy person stuff blah blah blah. President – Uh huh. Could you step back, please? Personal space. I’m sure you understand. Jan – Blah blah blah I’m a lunatic with awful hair blah blah blah. President – Riiiiiiight. Jan (waggling finger) – Blah blah blah scorpion waffles illegal immigrants blah blah. President – OK. I’m done here. Good day, Madam. (turns to go) Jan – Blah Blah look at my press coverage blah blah. President – I SAID, ‘GOOD DAY’. - Gongs. Yeah, we said it. Gongs. We’ll bet that you, just like us, had no idea
If we get a gong we want a BIG one
that gongs were a big deal much less important enough to land front page acreage in the Wall Street Journal. We were all mistaken. Apparently, gongs are economic indicators. Also, specialty gongs called “Planet Gongs” they are single handedly going to stop the world from coming to an end December 21, 2012. Apparently the believers say the sound energy from all the gongs will halt the end of the world. There is another gong named after a planet past Neptune named Sedna which is turned to that planet’s cosmic energy. How the hell can they know that? We don’t know, but we guess we’ll just trust them. There is an entire yoga practice around gongs. We blink in amazement. In case you’re interested in purchasing your own gong, they’re all over the Internet but the rules state any gong over 38 inches is an “outside gong”. Who knew
- Turtle smugglers. The Sisters read this news bulletin with a great deal of interest since we’re planning our own bit of smuggling. In this incident, customs officials found 1,495 pig-nosed turtles being smuggled in two suitcases. That’s a lot of turtles people – even if they are wee little turtles. We can’t imagine stuffing 1,495 anythings into two suitcases, especially things that are alive. We thought of this as a cautionary tale while we plan our panda/llama/porcupine/red panda smuggling operation. On one hand, it seems like stuffing a live thing in a suitcase is a bad plan, but if you were a customs authority would you open a suitcase that was
Wishing it anywhere actually
growling? Us neither.
- Intellectual disability. The Federal government in its infinite wisdom has again added a new politically correct exchange to our vernacular. The Sisters think there is no reason in this world why you would ever need to be mean to disadvantaged people, but we are also concerned that we’re raising a nation of mamby pamby shrinking violets who can’t handle life. That being said, we’d like to know if one can collect disability from the federal government for this since we’re certain we could get enough signatures on a petition testifying that we’re idiots. We’re just asking.
I say skip the day your being audited by the IRS
I came to understand that Samoa is changing time zones and skipping a whole day. That is to say that they will go to sleep
on Thursday and wake up on Saturday. I tell you this because The Quill Sisters are all about keeping the Internets informed about the comings and goings of the world. That’s what people say when they come away from our site. “Wow! Those Sisters really have a handle on world news.”
Hahaha. Ah. I love absurdest humor.
Back to the news. I see a lot of possibilities with this concept. Now, the Samoans are doing this in order to be better in line with the Asian Financial markets which increasingly include New Zealand and Australia. I think that’s marvelous. Good for them. I however see all kinds of potentially advantageous implications of this philosophy.
As you may know from my late night ramblings, I am a night person. A late night person. I am the person they made up 
the term “night owl” for. Honest to Zeus, I can stay up all night with absolutely no problem whatsoever. However, it doesn’t matter what time I go to bed at night, be it 7pm or 3am, I can’t get up in the morning. If left alone, I will always wake up sometime between 10 and 11am. If you experience insomnia some night and get bored, I’m the person you can call at 1:30 or 2am just to chat. I’ll be up. This being said, I operate on around 5 hours or less of sleep a night. If given the opportunity to just sleep through one entire day…. Well that would be magnolious as my father would say.
I’m thinking about writing my governer – although she’s probably too busy writing stupid books with forwards by even stupider people – and asking if our state can change time zones and skip a day. According to a spokesperson at the Royal Observatory of Greenwich, “the international arbiter of official time”, there is no reason that any country can’t decide to be in any time zone they want. If that’s the case, why can’t that be extended to states? I mean Arizona is a maverick when it comes to timekeeping anyway. We don’t observe Day Light Savings Time. We thumbed our nose at that why not pick a time zone we like better and go with it and skip a day while we’re at it? Do we all have to come to a consensus on the day we want to skip or could we just have one year to pick a day so long as by December 31, 2012 we all end up on the same day?
I wonder about Samoa though. Why skip Friday? Friday is a good day, the best day some say. For crying out loud, skip a Monday or tax day or the day you have to take the dog for vaccinations or the day you have a parent/teacher conference because some kid keeps spitting at people. Skipping Friday is just stupid.
I know! Lets skip December 21, 2012 – that’s the day the Mayans say it all ends anyway. That would solve A LOT of world problems. See – the Sisters are always thinking about others. That’s just how we roll.