You knew it was going to happen. Those damn kids got me sick. My nose is running and I’ve started sneezing. There’s a cough tickling around back there. And the absolute worse thing of all – I have laryngitis.

Heroin cough? What? Talk about your bad side effects

Laryngitis.

This is epic.

I can’t holler at the kids. I can’t squeal at the puppy or croon to the cat. I can’t order Starbucks in the drive through lane.

If I can’t talk my head will explode. Explode, I tell you. All the words, the jokes,

It's the eyebrow that does it for me everytime

the sarcasm and snark, all of that will build up in my head and there’s no way my puny skull will be able to take the pressure and the top will pop right off.

I’m certain you’ll hear about it on MSN or FoxNews or somewhere like that. Maybe I’ll live through the experience and Jon Stewart will interview me on The Daily Show. I really love Jon Stewart. I think I’d be perfect for his show. I am 100% confident that I could come up with enough brilliantly witty stuff not to embarrass myself.

I have such a crush on Jon Stewart.

This might just work out.