Do any of you know someone in the Chinese mob?

Hold on to your seats, ladies and gentlemen. I have an idea.

A little back story. You may have deduced that the Sisters are not happy about their current employment. Bank of No Forks is not really a good fit for Ava and me. We’ve already prepared our resignation letter – we figure we only need the one – and all we need to do is fill in the date. Kelli is unhappy with her state of employment and when she finally gets some it’s almost guaranteed she won’t like it. Why should she? Work sucks.

The Quill Husbands are unfulfilled with their jobs, too, with a government contractor and a school district.

All this paired with the fact that My Honey is in possession of an empty warehouse has made us all antsy to come up with something we can do together that won’t involve The Man. We are all agreed that what ever company we form will pay for forks for all the employees.

Then came the fuel for my idea. I really love the internet.

Panda poo tea guy

Soooo, there is the guy in China who is growing Panda Poo Tea. Now don’t turn up your nose just yet. Let me explain.

He’s using the poo from the panda sanctuary and breeding centers as fertilizer to grow the tea plants. Apparently, when the pandas eat the bamboo they only absorb a fraction of the nutrients so the rest is in the poo. Nutritious poo. Indeed.

Here’s where I think I can sell My Honey and Ed on the idea. The tea is going to sell for around $200.00 per cup. PER CUP! Making it the most expensive tea on Earth. That’s one hell of a return on our investment.

I brought it up at dinner and My Honey said, “If you can figure out how to get a panda, you can keep it.” The kids heard it and they will swear to it in a court of law if necessary.

I suggested that we can get somewhere around thirty pandas comfortably in that warehouse.

Us in our panda suits cuddling a mini-pooper

“Oh. My. God,” My Honey started back pedaling, “You are gonna be in so much trouble when the State Department finds out.”

“Oh, really. What does the State Department have to do with it?” I asked. “I’d be more worried about the Chinese people banging on the door.”

Lady, lady, you open door and give me back my panda.

Please forgive my momentary lapse of judgement. I can’t help it, that’s how I hear it in my head.

“The State Department will act as the go between with you and the Chinese government.” He tells me these things like I’m really concerned about the State Department.  The only way I see this becoming a problem is if they start tracking the massive number of bamboo shipments coming to the warehouse.

“Fine, any panda you can obtain legally, you can keep.” Look how he’s trying to change the rules now. This irritates me to no end.

“No, no, no!” I said. “There is no way I’m coming up with a million dollars to “borrow” a panda from the Chinese government.  However I obtain my panda will be creative, I assure you.”

Let’s all practice for the gentlemen in the black suits when they knock on the door. Ready? Repeat after me.

“What panda?”