September 7

We had fun with the cat lady favorites last week, so we’re trying it again. This week we thought we’d highlight narcissists. Some of the tie-ins to the theme are obvious and some are a bit of a stretch. Just work with us here. Amylynn is looking for every funny thing we can find because, every night when she gets home from work, she wants to cry. Her house looks like a demilitarized zone while it’s being systematically disassembled for the new plumbing installation. You’ve never seen so many holes in one ceiling in your life. We’re certain there will be a blog about it soon as nothing is quite so funny as Amylynn’s misery. Bide your time with these things for now.

1. Ice cubes. Sir Richard Branson is the owner of a bunch of really hip, cool stuff such as Virgin Records, Virgin cell phones and Virgin Atlantic Airways. He also owns an island in the Caribbean called Necker Island. We understand that he has a wall-less bathroom that looks out onto the sea so you don’t have to take a magazine or newspaper in there with you or anything. Probably because he doesn’t own any magazines or newspapers. Anyway, he is putting the world’s longest airline bar on his jets. Apparently he was concerned that you’d be sad drinking alone so he’s had ice cubes made in his likeness. Ice cubes. No boring square cubes when you’re a gazillionaire.
2. Lovely sales girls. Ava and Amylynn went to the makeup counter again this week. Like most girly girls, we enjoy ourselves a good makeup counter. Unfortunately, sometimes things aren’t all rosy and happy there though. In the past, we’ve been subjected to mean, dismissive assistance and that’s intolerable. Especially when you foist over $25 for a blusher for Zeus’ sake. That was not the case this week, not only was the clerk adorable, she was also ridiculously complimentary. That, our friends, is the way to get the Sisters to give you all our money. If you say we look pretty, we’ll follow you anywhere.
3. Misuse of toothbrushes. It was reported this week that the astronauts on the International Space Station used some unorthodox tools to repair the outside of the space craft while on a space walk. Most notably, a toothbrush. That’s pretty nifty if you ask us. We’ll bet the dude that figured that out was insufferable to live with for the rest of the journey. All that bragging with un-brushed teeth can’t be pleasant in a place as compact as the Space Station.
4. Mariachi School. If we weren’t such scaredy cats, we’d run away to the new mariachi school opening up in Mexico City. There is a lot to recommend a life of mariachi-ing. Like, for example, who doesn’t love a job with a really bitchin’ hat? And pants with buckles. We’re always saying that more people should learn the accordion.  Think of all the weddings we’d get invited to. You know what the draw is for weddings, don’t you? Cake. Cake and a trumpet. Now that’s a Saturday worth bragging about.
5. Clint Eastwood. Do you remember way back in April when Ava suggested that we start a new career as ghost exterminators? We feel that perhaps we should call Mr. Eastwood and offer our services. Honestly, what other reason could there be for the man to be talking to empty chairs? He’s a smart cookie, of that we have no doubt, and we’re big fans of his films. We love gunfighters as much as the next gal. Still, if he’s bothered by ghosts, we want to help. We’d even do it at a discounted rate if he’d be willing to endorse us later. We’re here for you, Mr. Eastwood. . .