So the baby is here. Yea for the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. Yea for Harry, too. Now the pressure is off – if there ever really was any – and he can just go hog wild now. That’s good for us, too, since that’s bound to make Harry even more out of control than ever. We do love ourselves a bad boy – especially when he’s as handsome as Harry.

There’s still no name for the bouncing baby boy. It remains to be one of the biggest internet fascinations these days so we figured we’d get in on it, too.

If you want your own royal name – here’s a generator that will do just that. Mine is a bit hippy dippy as you can see.

As you all know, the Sisters are at the RWA conference this week which doesn’t end until Saturday night. So next week’s Favorite things will cover that. For now, here are some ridiculous items/thoughts we messed around with at odd moments while we’re in Atlanta.  We haven’t been asked to leave the city yet and we think that’s a win. The hotel? That’s a whole different story. We may yet be asked to leave the hotel. Actually, that’s entirely possible at any minute.

1. Service Dogs. We love service dogs. We love to see them out in public because they make us feel better when we’re not at home with our pets. We hate that we aren’t allowed to touch them. We know they’re working – we understand, but still… One of the Sisters, who shall remain nameless, went ahead and touched the service dog of a blind person at the conference. She fully admits she was wrong to do it, but the doggy was adorable and wagged its tail. Who could resist?  Not the Sisters that’s for sure.

2. Redecorating hotels. The conference is in an old hotel. The walls are concrete in a very Frank Lloyd Wright-ish way. However, when it was refurbished the decorator pretended that wasn’t the case. The whole decor is a weird juxtaposition of stuff that looks out of place. Ava can complain all she wants about the state of the decor, but painting the walls and putting in new carpet are never going to solve the problem we have of getting dizzy every single time we walk out into the atrium. The hotel is open all the way to the tippy top floor and every time we look up to track the glass elevator we nearly fall down. It’s very disconcerting.

3. Infiltrate. Many of  the seminars are about the craft of writing, but there are also a lot about the business end. In one of those on the topic of getting your books found on the internet, we discussed the technique of infiltrating blogs and such. We like that idea a lot. There are many places we’d like to infiltrate, and if some nice young author can teach us how, we’re pretty sure we can make that skill carry over into other parts of our lives. We also like the word, we used it all day – infiltrate this, infiltrate that, we’re surprised anyone is still talking to us.

4. “Don’t Write Shit.”  Sometimes the obvious is so close you miss it.  Well, why didn’t we think of that??  Why did we have to wait to hear that little gem at an Amazon class today.  The speaker just rolled it out as gospel.  “Don’t write shit.”  Well, hell . . .

5.  Amy’s New Baby.  We were in a marketing seminar and the speaker mentioned she had worked at “Bank of No Forks”.  She had our sympathy.  Then she mentioned she had 5 months of paid medical leave when she had her baby.  Ava immediately decided that Amy needed a baby.  She could get an entire manuscript done in that time while being paid.  Score!!!  Inexplicably, she adamantly said, “NO.”  NO!  Can you believe it?  Ava’s too old and peri-menopausal.  How could she not take one for the team?

It’s hot here. Oddly, there is a bizarre group of the earth’s population who engage in Heat Traveling. They go to Death Valley so they can stand next to the sign that shows 130 degrees so they can have a picture. They call it Death Valley for a reason, people. Still, hot is hot. It’s not like we expected anything different. It is summer after all.  But it’s not just hot. It’s also humid. The Southwest desert is world renown for its “dry heat”. Usually we’d say that’s a load of crap. We don’t care what you think – once it’s over 110 degrees it doesn’t matter if it’s dry or not. That was until this week. As we write this it’s 43% humidity.  This seems excessive,

don’t you think? The lizards are drowning.  Ava and Amylynn are going to Atlanta, GA next week. Today it’s 84 degrees and 92% humidity over there. Seriously, how do people
breathe? Do they get fungus like sloths? We would love to see some of beautiful Atlanta, but frankly we’re not that strong of swimmers. These things amused us this week.

1. A wee summer rental. This is where we want to go after the RWA National convention to decompress. It’s a 17th century lovely little pile of rocks located outside the English village of Haltwhistle. How adorable is that name? That’s gotta be one of the best things about England – the name of the villages. The castle has seven bedrooms so there’s room for us all. The piece de resistance – it’s said to be haunted by the Grey Man, a minstrel who was “savaged to death by hounds”. Whaaaat? Are you kidding? What about that makes him
“Grey”? We definitely need to spend some time over there to investigate this business. It’s available for a 1o year lease. That ought to do it.

2. HUMP DAY! Have you people seen this commercial? We defy you not to laugh. The really bad thing, of course, is now we want a camel. A camel – with a hump, hump day.  Blahahahahahahahaha.  It’s entirely possible that there is something very wrong with us.

3. Unicorns and Scotland.  The National animal of Scotland is the UNICORN.  Yup. The unicorn.  We are not making that up.  The Sisters immediately jumped on the internet to find out why they have unicorns and we don’t.  We searched the Scottish zoos and came up with nothing.  We went on the Scottish State Department website and found nothing there as well.  WTF?  Where are the unicorns?  We refuse to believe that its the country’s animal and they don’t have at least one.  We’re going over there to investigate check it out.  We’ll report back – or watch the news, you’re sure to see us in a row boat with a HORSE wearing a birthday party hat . . . wink, wink.

4. Lizard Ladies. In the winter we’d be referring to ourselves and our dry desert skin. In this particular instance, however, we’re referring to actual lizard ladies. There we were innocently making a nuisance of ourselves in the Hobby Lobby. We were probably arguing. We do that a lot. It means nothing. Mostly we’re just debating things – loudly. Anyway, we were minding our own business when Amylynn suddenly shrieked, “Oh. My. God. There are lizards!” There were two women in the Hobby Lobby wearing lizards. Not belts or shoes or even carrying gorgeous Michael Kors lizard skinned purses. No, they had big-ass lizards draped across their shoulders. Ava pretended like that wasn’t at all the weirdest thing we’d seen all week and inquired as to the breed and some other such nonsense (Ava – it was weird but they were adorable, the lizards not the ladies.) while Amylynn whipped out her phone because we need a picture of that shit. Can you believe those crazy women actually thought we’d be willing to hold one of the lizards? Only if it’s a purse. Seriously.

5. An unconventional plan. You know how we’re always trying to figure out how to get a panda or a sloth or a prehensile porcupine or a  white tiger or a bear or a semi full of puppies? Surely there are other animals we’ve mentioned – honestly we lose track. We just saw this video and we had an unusual reaction. As you can see when you follow the jump, the video shows a herd of impala racing across a highway between cars closely followed by two cheetahs. In a brilliant maneuver, one of the impalas jumps into one of the idling vehicles to evade the cheetah hot on its heels. OK – what if we just sit in that highway with our doors open and see what hops in? Now, we’d prefer the cheetah – obviously – because we’re big fans of kitties, but we seriously doubt that should an impala find its way into the back seat that we’d have a serious problem with it. We haven’t worked all the kinks out of the plan yet.

Here – enjoy a half naked man. We’ll be back to our regularly scheduled funniness right quick.

Follow the jump to these awesome drawings of Disney Princesses (and a villain) in historically accurate dresses by  Deviant Art user Claire Hummel a.k.a. *shoomlah.

This one is my favorite. I’ve always thought she was the best villain. And then Cruella followed by Ursula. I’ve always found the villains to be way more interesting than the heroines most of the time.

This week’s 5 favorite things are all from Ava’s trip to Costa Rica.  Even though Amylynn wasn’t there she still appreciates all that Ava went through as her family tried to kill her in the jungle in a variety of ways. Not that Ava’s being dramatic or anything. Ava’s not at all dramatic, so don’t be taking that easy explanation for why, when she broke her nail the night before they were leaving, she threatened not to go at all. She’s not dramatic. She’s crazy. Amylynn’s just saying this as a person of completely even temperament. Amylynn’s never been known to fly off the handle and declare crazy things for no rational reason. That’s what makes us exciting. And funny. Do note that we’re happy to tell YOU all about our craziness after the fact. How many other people do you know who’ll tell such ridiculous stories about themselves? Here’s some good stuff from the past week.

All Inclusive Resorts.  The boy that lives at Ava’s house has found his calling in life – that of a permanent resident in an all inclusive resort.  No one born before or after this 15 year old child has ever taken to being waited on hand and foot like this kid.  He was actually seen to leave his ever present electronics alone as he wandered from café to restaurant to 24 hour Food Room requesting EVERYTHING they had.  Clearly, he takes after Ed, and not Ava, because the all inclusiveness included alcohol and Ed wandered from bar to bar to bar requesting EVERY drink ever invented by man.

Feeding the Wild Animals is Forbidden.  No one likes to be forbidden anything, especially Ava, especially anything to do with wild animals.  Nevertheless, there were signs posted everywhere with this statement. Then, strangely a white sign with an empty circle and a slash through it. We’re not sure the Costa Ricans really understand that you have to put the forbidden item inside the circle, otherwise it’s open for interpretation and that’s when things go awry. Anyway, the family went on a river boat cruise – there wasn’t much to see but jungle foliage until the world’s finest tour guide (Hi Rolando!) produced some raw chicken and coaxed a lovely peter pan-esque crocodile to come up out of the water and show us his lovely white teeth.  Next, he

If this was video, you’d hear the screaming

used bananas to get a family of white-faced monkeys to come on the boat and have a snack.  One even ate a banana off of Ed’s head.

Zip Lining.  This is actually an anti-favorite thing for Ava.  She repeatedly said there was “no way in hell” she was zip lining and yet she found herself hiking (there is photographic proof) up a mountain to dangle precariously from a wire string back down.  She’s not sure you need to know she’s never been more sweaty in her life, but there it is. Do with that information what you will. The trouble with the whole experience – aside from the hike and the sheer terror – is that you don’t see anything but the tops of a bunch of trees. Ava likes trees as much as the next gal, but that seems like a bit much to go through to see the top of them when you can do the same from the first class seat on the plane. You can’t even snatch a snoozing sloth from the branch of said tree, even if you were going slow enough to attempt it. Not that she had plans or anything. She still has trouble sleeping at night since the whole experience.  The rest of the idiots in her family thought it was great fun.  It was not.

Horse Back Riding.  This was more up Ava’s alley.  After all, a large furry animal is involved.  She made friends with her trusty steed and offered to buy him a plane ticket home.  He seemed to agree but the man who owned him said no – in very clear English, more than once.  Okay – I get it Mr.

Do you hear the angles singing?

IDon’tWantAvaToHaveAProperSouvenirFromHerTrip stable owner.  No need to keep glaring all hostile and such.

Dessert 24 Hours A Day.  Maybe this really belongs under #1 but Ava always believes that dessert is its own separate category.  Picture this – dessert all day and all night, dessert laid out like jewels on a giant buffet table, miniature dessert available in the café with cappuccino just for the asking, dessert filling an entire room in case you need a snack overnight (Ava slept in that room).  Maybe the boy does take after Ava a little bit after all . . .

We’ve had some trouble with the boy’s attitude. His favorite statement has become, “I hate that” or “I hate you.”

It’s so pleasant, I can’t even tell you. Especially after a fabulous day at Bank of No Forks.

Sassy was super sick last night, sick as a pukey dog. Today she stayed home from summer camp. If she’s staying home from camp then The Bandit will also be expecting to stay home. Thus, My Honey stayed home from work today, so as I left the house I implored the boy – who was sitting on the couch in his underpants – not to give his father any trouble.

Before we get into the meat of this story, I’d like to reiterate that he was wearing his underwear when I left the house. That’s fairly significant because usually the boy refuses to wear any. It’s actually not a refusal to wear them, it simply doesn’t happen. He was still wearing only his underpants when I got home from work. Well, at least he had them on.

Anyway, there was an agreement that he wouldn’t be a hater. He’d make every effort to get along with his father and sister.

I called to check in on everyone around lunch time and got lunch orders. The Bandit didn’t want what the others decided on because, “I hate that place.”

I heard his father say, “I thought you weren’t supposed to be hating today.”

“Yeah,” The Bandit said quietly. “Is it OK if I just really, really don’t like it?”

Yes, indeed dude, it is.

Wow! Is it ever hot here. Supposed to be 113 here today. What the hell? We thought that was bad until we saw on the news that another city in our state is calling for 129. What the F…! What’s the boiling point of skin? That sounds gruesome, we know, but when you climb into your car and plop your shorts-wearing butt on a leather car seat in a 200 degree car, you’re pretty certain your skin is boiling. At the very least melting. And we don’t recommend hairspray because that’s just gonna catch fire. We recommend you get a good book and a nice a/c vent and don’t move unless it’s time to refill your margarita. Here are a couple of things we giggled about this week.

1. Missing animals. You would not believe how many people contacted us to find out how we’d done it as soon as the news came out that there was a missing red panda from the National Zoo. It’s funny how we were the first many people even considered as the culprits. The little dude has been recovered which means that black Chevy Caprice that’s been sitting outside our office all week can go home and Officer Whatshisface with the Foster Grants will quit following us around Target. Do you want the irrefutable proof that we didn’t do it? Because the person who found the animal – IN THEIR YARD – contacted the National Zoo to pick it up. We guaran-freaking-tee that if that precious baby was in our yard, NO ONE would have been notified. We’d

a gift from royalty

now be the proud possessors of a “funny red dog”.

2. Peridots. Amylynn has never been a fan of her birthstone. Let’s be real – this birthstone looks weak compared to diamonds, emeralds and rubies. It’s like they figured they gave August the best flower (gladiolus) and zodiac sign (Leo) so they’d gyp them on the gem stone. It’s really, really rare to find peridots in an attractive setting. To Amylynn, they always look cheap – like you bought it at Woolworth’s or something. Except this set. This is gorgeous.  In 1816 the necklace, pendant, bracelets, earrings and broach was given by Princess Elizabeth to a lady who’d been charged with essentially babysitting Princess Charlotte so she wouldn’t run off and marry an unacceptable twit. Amylynn’s birthday is a shockingly brief time away. In case you’re still wondering what she’d like.

3. More animals wandering around. Amylynn’s uncle, NewMexiKen who lives in New Mexico had a visitor in his back yard the other day. He wisely chose NOT to do what we would have done and he left the bear alone except for a couple of advantageous Kodak moments. Although, now that we really look at this picture we probably wouldn’t have approached this bear. Especially since NewMexiKen mentioned that she was probably looking for her cub who’d been spotted earlier in the week and was collected by the authorities. Mama bears are not to be trifled with. We’d also like it pointed out that we didn’t have anything to do with the disappearance of her baby.

4. Yet more wild animals. There does seem to be a bit of a theme this week doesn’t there? This is the only wild jaguar wandering around the United States and he’s sorta in our back yard. This is the first real picture we’ve seen of him – isn’t he handsome? The Fish and Wildlife people have cameras set up around the mountains hoping to catch him in action and up to now, we keep seeing pictures of just his tail. It’s a gorgeous tail we might add.  If you follow the jump you’ll see another picture of his face, but we love the colors in this one. Sadly, since he’s the only one, he’s not part of a breeding pair so – at least for now – baby jaguars are safe from our attentions. We’ll let you know right away if that changes.

5. HAWWWWWWWKS! After six phenomenal, nail biting games the Chicago Blackhawks win the Stanley Cup. Game six was crazy. With little over a minute left in the third period and behind by one goal, the Hawks pulled the goalie so they could have an extra attacker. Bryan Bickell score and seventeen seconds later Dave Bolland scored again. It was stunning. Thank you Boston and Chicago for such an exciting series after such a crappy short season. Patrick Sharp – please go shave your gorgeous self. When does training camp start back up again?