NEW RELEASES
In Our Humble Opinion . . . having more than 3 cats earns you the label of “cat lady” – no exceptions.
I can barely keep the boy in his underwear. Jewelry is out of the question.
My father leaves the weirdest messages on my cell phone since his stroke a couple of years ago. In general, my brother and I have had some very bizarre conversations with him, My Brother more than me since he lives with my brother. Just today My Brother called to vent after a particularly exasperating exchange that denegrated into an argument about the new year’s calendar. I’m not going to try to relate the specifics of the debate to you here because I’m not sure I understand them. My brother certainly didn’t and my father definitely didn’t.
There was another mind numbing debate recently over the football playoff schedule. These conversations are so strange, sometimes my brother and I think he’s just messing with us.
So for the past week or so my dad has left three or more voice mails for me that simply said, “Thank you for not giving me a grandson in a dog collar.”
The first time, I just shrugged. The second time he did it, I squinted my eyes very hard at the phone, but that didn’t illuminate the issue for me. Every time I got the message I would call him back to ask him what the hell he was talking about, but he never answered.
Then the other night I was sitting on the couch supposedly writing on chapter seven and the following commerical came on. I realized my father was not insane – just funny.
So now if someone can just explain to me what his issue is with the 2011 calendar, My Brother and I would be really grateful.
In Our Humble Opinion . . . wearing your pajamas to Target should not require embarrassment or an explanation after 7:00PM.
In Our Humble Opinion . . . it’s not our fault if your face freezes that way – we warned you twice.
In Our Humble Opinion . . . you shouldn’t go towards the light, that’s where all the bugs are.
In Our Humble Opinion . . . musical chairs is child abuse, at least it is the way the Quill Sisters play it.
Also Slutty and Neurtsy which are both horrible and wrong
Did you all know that before finally choosing the dwarfs final names, Disney also considered Chesty, Tubby, Burpy,
Deafy, Hickey, Wheezy and Awful? Can you imagine?
All the dwarfs were male so I’m assuming that Chesty would not have had huge breasts. Maybe his prototype was of a sailor with a large tattoo. “I heart Snow White” maybe? And what about Tubby? As I recall, Doc was a bit portly. Maybe they just combined the two.
Burpy? Really? That’s just gross.
Deafy? Not very P.C. but perhaps they weren’t too worried about that in 1937. After all, Al Jolson was still making movies in black face for God’s sake.
Hickey? Holy crap. One can only assume the drawings of this guy was disgusting – a teenage covered in suck marks probably. Ick.
Wheezy – well, I guess Wheezy is no worse than Sneezy. I wonder if one of the animators suffered from allergies.
Awful, like Doc and Tubby, was probably morphed with Grumpy.
How about this little bit of insight from Disney on yet another ill-fated name.
JUMPY: He is in constant twitchy fear of being goosed, but is not goosed until the last scene. Whenever he hears a noise behind him, he starts, and his hand automatically protects his fanny. He is exceedingly ticklish.
Does anyone besides me find this disturbing? Was there a lot of this going around at the animation studio?
Give one a whole different perspective on Disney movies, huh?
In Our Humble Opinion… Sundays are never long enough.
On our humble opinion…you do not swim in your underpants.
January 27
It’s Girl Scout Cookie time. Ava wants to start a diet tomorrow. Shocking! we know. The rest of us don’t know how successful that will be with Amylynn running around with cute, tasty boxes of calories. We just shrug. Ok, Ava, go right ahead. Here can you hold this sleeve of Thin Mints. Hey! Where are my Thin Mints? So here’s our week in the gag reel.
- Barak. As a president, Barak’s reign has been frustrating and a letdown, but it can’t be said that the man himself is ever boring or less than charming. That fact was never more evident than this past week. Example number one occurred when he went to Disney World for a press conference and remarked how happy he was to meet Mickey Mouse. Said the president, “Nice to meet a world leader who has bigger ears than me!” The Sisters love a man who can poke fun at himself. We do it all the time – not make fun of Barak, but of ourselves. Example number two had Mr. President at the Apollo Theater for another speaking engagement where he wowed the crowd with a pretty decent, if shy and a bit timid, version of Al Green’s Let Stay Together. Charming we say. Charming.
- Obama. Our buffoon of a governor, Jan Brewer, made national news – again – by looking like a crazy idiot – again.
When looking at this picture, however, the Sisters can’t help but want to add dialogue. Jan – Blah blah blah blah I’m spouting delusional crazy person stuff blah blah blah. President – Uh huh. Could you step back, please? Personal space. I’m sure you understand. Jan – Blah blah blah I’m a lunatic with awful hair blah blah blah. President – Riiiiiiight. Jan (waggling finger) – Blah blah blah scorpion waffles illegal immigrants blah blah. President – OK. I’m done here. Good day, Madam. (turns to go) Jan – Blah Blah look at my press coverage blah blah. President – I SAID, ‘GOOD DAY’. - Gongs. Yeah, we said it. Gongs. We’ll bet that you, just like us, had no idea
If we get a gong we want a BIG one
that gongs were a big deal much less important enough to land front page acreage in the Wall Street Journal. We were all mistaken. Apparently, gongs are economic indicators. Also, specialty gongs called “Planet Gongs” they are single handedly going to stop the world from coming to an end December 21, 2012. Apparently the believers say the sound energy from all the gongs will halt the end of the world. There is another gong named after a planet past Neptune named Sedna which is turned to that planet’s cosmic energy. How the hell can they know that? We don’t know, but we guess we’ll just trust them. There is an entire yoga practice around gongs. We blink in amazement. In case you’re interested in purchasing your own gong, they’re all over the Internet but the rules state any gong over 38 inches is an “outside gong”. Who knew
- Turtle smugglers. The Sisters read this news bulletin with a great deal of interest since we’re planning our own bit of smuggling. In this incident, customs officials found 1,495 pig-nosed turtles being smuggled in two suitcases. That’s a lot of turtles people – even if they are wee little turtles. We can’t imagine stuffing 1,495 anythings into two suitcases, especially things that are alive. We thought of this as a cautionary tale while we plan our panda/llama/porcupine/red panda smuggling operation. On one hand, it seems like stuffing a live thing in a suitcase is a bad plan, but if you were a customs authority would you open a suitcase that was
Wishing it anywhere actually
growling? Us neither.
- Intellectual disability. The Federal government in its infinite wisdom has again added a new politically correct exchange to our vernacular. The Sisters think there is no reason in this world why you would ever need to be mean to disadvantaged people, but we are also concerned that we’re raising a nation of mamby pamby shrinking violets who can’t handle life. That being said, we’d like to know if one can collect disability from the federal government for this since we’re certain we could get enough signatures on a petition testifying that we’re idiots. We’re just asking.
