They Do at Least as Good a Job as Pooh Bear

Yesterday evening and even this morning’s radio was completely obsessed with this “huge” winter storm that was coming.  They used all the buzz words: El Nino, precipitation, “weather system”.  They toted out all the satellite photos and replayed them again and again hoping to impress upon the viewership as a whole the magnitude of rain we were to expect.  They assured us it would be raining when we went to work and then, by the time we were to drive home, the rain would be epic.  They way they acted, the zoo animals were probably lining up two by two.

So armed with the knowledge, I dressed appropriately and took an umbrella.  I took Sassy to school but it was only drizzling.  I walk out of the building I work in to get a bagel with a coworker of mine and still, it was only a very mild rain.  By noon the sky was blue and there was nothing left of the morning rain but a few high puffy clouds. 

As 4pm rolled around I went out to see how the biblical rain was coming.    There weren’t even the clouds from earlier.  Birds were singing and, if I lived in a wooded area, I swear Bambi and Thumper would have frolicked across the lawn of my office building.  Where in the hell was this rain everyone was so hysterical about?

I went on to Salary.com to find out how much weather forecasters make because with absolutely no education what so ever, I feel confident that I can do at least this well.  It would be quite easy really – especially where I live.  For 8 months out of the year I could peer into the camera and say, “It’s gonna be hot.  Wear shoes.”  For two months a year I could say, “It will rain sometime after 4pm.  Don’t drive your convertible.”   And in winter I could simply say, “it’s chilly this morning.  Wear your coat.” 

One of my co-workers was so concerned about the hellacious storm that every forecaster was swearing on a stack of bibles would be here at drive time, that she bought an umbrella on the way to work.  I told her to send that stupid receipt to the weather people, every single one of them, and demand a refund.

They promise that tomorrow is 100% chance of rain.  Who wants to lay odds with me?  It’s probably even safe to plan a picnic.