January 10

Today is National Peculiar People Day. That’s pretty awesome, don’t you think? Imagine our surprise when we didn’t get any greeting cards in celebration. Who knew this wasn’t a Hallmark holiday. Why isn’t it, exactly? The whole thing seems patently unfair to us. There should be cake and cards and possibly the traditional singing telegrams. When will the Peculiar People get their due? Peculiar People Unite! We’re starting a petition. Here are some other things that amused us. You may agree whether you’re peculiar or not.

 1. Frank Underwood. We’ve been watching the first season of House of Cards at Bank of No Forks this week. Holy Cow! That is some serious television. If you’re not watching you should be. Frank Underhill is…well, wow. He scares the ever loving crap out of us even while we marvel at how smooth and charming he is. If you thought Kevin Spacey was great as Verbal Kint, then he’s astounding as the most terrifying man in Washington D.C. Go watch it. Season 2 starts February 14th. Happy Valentine’s Day, Frank. We totally love you.

2. Kevin Richardson. We hadn’t intended today’s blog to be Our Favorite Kevins, but it turns out there’s two of them this week. Kevin Richardson is the lion whisperer. He’s the fellow whose video we showed you the other day. We need to meet this guy because if we ever have a chance of kissing a lion on the belly, he’s our best shot. We can fly out Monday on South African Airlines for $1,879.00. The flight will take 23 hours including a layover in New York, but it’s totally gonna be worth it. We’re gonna make sure our health insurance covers mauling. We’ll send a postcard.

3. Cheese. Did you hear that there is a Velveeta shortage? Apparently there is and the people at Kraft are all worked up over the fact that Super Bowl Sunday is coming and there may not be enough to go around. Apparently there is a big call for fake-cheese nachos during the game. So we figure if we go to the grocery store and buy it all up, then we can sell it on the black

This owl is NOT amused.

market to pay for our trip to Johannesburg. Or make our co-payments to the hospital afterwards.

4. Owl defamation. There was a fellow this week in Massachusetts who was arrested for drunk driving, but not until he crashed his car in the snow, ran through the woods, and climbed in a tree, evading the police and their dogs for over an hour in single digit temperatures with no coat. They found him 30 feet up in a fir. When they told him to come down, he declined stating he was an owl. Ultimately, they had to practically cut the tree down with a chainsaw and use the fire department’s cherry picker to extract him. He was charged with about a zillion crimes, but we think he should be more worried about the law suits the owl’s are filing.

5. More cheese related news. Now this story is beyond weird. Wisconsin is using excess cheese to de-ice the roads. And Kraft said there was a shortage. Pishaw! The Public Works Departments says provolone or mozzarella are the best as they have the highest salt content. Seriously. If we were going to make this up, we never would have chosen cheese. That’s just weird. Can you even imagine how that place must smell this time of year? Jeez –  you leave your cheese grader dirty in the sink one night and it smells like death. It’s a good thing were heading to South Africa and not Wisconsin. Unless there are lions to be kissed over there. Then we’ll just plug our noses and suck it up.