February 21

We hope you have your cowboy boots on because it’s La Fiesta de los Vaqueros down here in the wild west. If you need help in the hat department, check out number two below. So our town is full of cowboys and golfers down for the Matchplay tournament. The whole thing is really rather surreal. At any stop light your bound to find three team Lexuses (Lexi? Lexie?) and an ancient Chevy. Also, don’t try to go to a steak house this weekend. It’s an exercise in frustration and waiting. Read funny things instead. Might we make a few suggestions…

1. Now we don’t know what to think. There was a bit of news this week that the Sisters found heartening, but then there came a rebuttal and now we’re not sure how we’re supposed to feel. It was reported that there is a predicted clown shortage because the old clowns are dying off, and young people seem to want a job that doesn’t terrify people. Perhaps we were all a bit too hopeful. The clown people insist that there are plenty of clowns and we should all just calm down about it. How can we calm down? How? We were relieved to know that perhaps there is an end to the terror. This was probably all just a nasty trick by the evil clown conspiracy to lull us into a false sense of security so they can roll up on us in a clown car.

2. In case you want to be a star or a park ranger. Parrell Williams is auctioning off that ridiculous hat from the Grammys. Amylynn thinks it’s absurd. Ava likes it, but surely she’s just saying that to irritate Amylynn. She does that a lot, by the way. So if you’re interested in buying an incredibly stupid hat that makes you look like Smokey the Bear then you can pony up the $10,501.00 that it will take to beat the current high bidder.

3. Coffee always makes us hot. A brilliant ex-male stripper of Spokane, Washington has opened a coffee shop called Hot Cup of Joe that has your coffee made by a shirtless barista. A male shirtless barista. One with a six-pack. We’re all in. That will be two large breve lattes, no foam please.

4. They found him in the least likely place EVER. So a family was driving around Detroit, looking for a nice neighborhood to live in (we recommend Illinois) and they found Bigfoot. Seriously. They saw a giant, hairy seven-foot tall monkey-man with a human face climb out of a second story window. Not that that description could be of anything other than Bigfoot. So now the speculation is that Sasquatch is squatting in an abandoned house. Try saying that five times fast.

5. Our new budget balancing plan. A woman and her mother in Florida went to jail for stiffing a restaurant on their lunch bill. They told the cashier at the end of the meal that the restaurant could give them a free meal and go to Heaven, or charge their credit card and go straight to Hell. We’re totally going to try this, and not just at restaurants. We’re not so hateful of places that give us food, but the gas station seems like a likely candidate. We absolutely HATE paying for gas. Perhaps instead of threatening them with Hell we’ll damn them to Detroit.