Maybe it’s a tiara from the crown jewels

I had a nice, relatively quiet birthday. My daughter is really upset because she and my son ordered me something on the internet and it hasn’t arrived yet.

Apparently it’s coming from England. I have absolutely no idea what this could be, but my mind boggles.

This morning Sassy says, “If your box doesn’t come we’re going to have to get you some other extravagant present.”

Extravagant present? What the hell is in this box?

Shetland ponies in sweaters! Yes!

I asked if it was a Shetland pony. I was given the look. I’m assuming that it’s not a pony. I was hoping, because that’s pretty extravagant don’t you think?

Ava wondered how it was possible that I was going to be able to wait patiently for this box to arrive without pestering my children to tell me what it is.

“Maybe it’s proof that I’m finally growing up.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she said.

“Well, maybe it’ll be okay since I’ll get other presents that will feed the present demon and ease the pressure until that one arrives.”

“Uh huh,” she said, but she sounded skeptical.

I’ll be honest with you, it was hard. I could make that boy crack in seconds. He’s weak.

I did ask Sassy if I should be concerned that no one is feeding the box. I got the look again. I hope there are breathing holes.

God, I hope that box comes soon. I don’t know how long I can withstand this “mature person” façade.